birthday dinner

my cousin's wife and her sister have invited me out to dinner. previously, my cousin's wife has called me fat so I'm wearing as much black as possible, two layers of stomach control wear and I'm not going to eat heaps and think thin thoughts. I'm already feeling nauseous and dizzy from how tight the clothes are. i'll probably mention that i'm not hungry if they ask, and if i do eat it will probably come back up again from all the stress and by reflex anyway.

but if she calls me fat again, i will thank her for taking me out and politely ask if i can go home and then i'm never going out with her again.

yeah my birthday is not going to be the funnest.

but you know, i'm not actually that fat. when i put my legs together, my knees don't touch, my butt is mostly muscle, and once exams are over i'll hit the gym, sleep normally, stop eating at random times and my stomach will flatten.