I'M DRUNK - WEEK END UPDATE

Dance update:
I started off with 9 people and then one of them never showed up to any practices and one of them was having issues with their apartment so I had changed all my formations so it could be done with 7 people

but we had a practice today and another member didn't show up so altogether we had 6 including me

it was like losing prince mak all over again

it was shit

i'm really drunk

Jazz with Alicia is going to be interesting... a lot of beginner dancers but i believe she can whip us into shape... or you know we'll look terrible but who cares, no one else at crossover cares about jazz

Locking with Vincent is going great, we've learnt most of the routines and formations it's just putting it all together and remembering it... which i can't... because I don't practice... sorry Vincent

The Knock by Nasty Nasty cover is coming along great we're filming on sunday and it'll be hot

The A by Rainbow audition has been filmed and now we await judgement

I don't think I'm growing as a dancer I think I'm stuck here. But it's still fun and working with other people still brings me joy.

Who is Alicia: Alicia is one of my Jazz babes from way back when Alicia and Elena used to teach Lyrical and Jazz respectively at Crossover. Elena is another teacher dear to my heart, she runs her own studio in St Peters. I love her a lot. Jaye used to have a crush on her in Uni.

I was supposed to meet up with Alex tomorrow after my JJCC mix practice but he's gotta hang out with his fam. #adultlife #lifeishard

Tel, my husband, is out of hospital and recovering really well. He woke today feeling as close to normal as he has been since he got appendicitis and:

• hasn't felt any pain today
• hasn't had to lie down all down
• hasn't had to take a nap
• walked into town and back

He updated my mum about all this and she said I hadn't told her much about what he was going through. She apologised for not seeing him while he was in hospital because she'd been working all week. In hospital. But it's a different set of hospitals and she most works with psychiatric and aged patients.

Tomorrow My cousin is hosting a joint party for his son and his nephew which is going from 2pm till midnight. Shit will get cray. I probably won't drink much because I have to film the next day!

I keep meaning to watch the NCT debut and the History comeback but I am so stressed about Upstaged (Crossover Dance Studio's annual showcase) and K-pop Summit (Crossover's bi-annual kpop double event) that I haven't had the time and I've been shitting myself over formations for the JJCC routine

and like fucking hell i made formations for 7 and 8 people and I was up until 2am I hate myself so much my husband had to come out and tell me to go to sleep and i still hadn't finished and i had to do them during lunch. AND THEN 2 PEOPLE DIDN'T SHOW UP

anyway it was still fun. me and maggie did the dab during e.co's solo in fire. maggie twisted her knee during dance class RIP but she's still coming to practice and learning formations I love her. She's also doing a Gfriend Routine so RIP her knees again

MAJOR SUCCESS OF THE DAY. I took all the wires out of the workstation I use at work that connect the computer tower to the keyboard, mouse, monitors, and phone and moved myself to the desk on my left unassisted. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah IT exp level up

anyway time to go gotta drink water to balance out the giant cider i had

xoxo gossip girl

Reopening this diary

After watching all of Jaye's vlogs I was initially insprired to start vlogging as well. Then I realised I'm terrible in front of the camera and around cameras in general but I did want to keep track of what I was doing at this point in my life.

Who is Jaye? Jaye is the boss at Crossover Dance Studios, one of the dance studios in the city of Sydney. You can check out his vlogs here. I think They're a good geographic representation of where I spend most of my time outside of work and being at home.

I spend a lot of my time dancing either in the Crossover studio, or around the former Entertainment centre and sometimes when there isn't a studio free at one of the neighbouring studios. Recently, after a training session with Vincent I realised that the Powerhouse museum is also not a bad place for practice either.

Vincent is a locking teacher in Sydney. He's taught at a lot of studios, he's very happy and warm, and he is an incredible dancer and teacher. He's inspiring, encouraging and I respect him a lot.

I've decided to make it easier on myself there's a number of topics I'll tend to focus on including the following:

• dance progress: dance is the one area where I can always learn something and improve something. I guess it's the main motivating force in my life
• favourite teachers: This will mostly be about the dancers that I learn from, week to week. I guess if I also learn other important life lessons I'll talk about them too. It might be good to try a new teacher every week? I'm not sure
• pet peeves/airing of grievances: I usually tweet these, but I guess if I can articulate why I'm angry about something I can either fix it quickly or get over it a little faster
• who i caught up with/saw that day beyond the usual: Life is busy and I have a fairly set routine. I work full time, I take a certain set of dance classes regularly. I'm married so I'll see my husband almost everyday. On the odd occasion where I bump into someone I haven't seen in a while I'll make an effort to mention them
• xo gossip girl: maybe? could be a bad idea. But I love crossover (aka xo) and I love gossip so it might be fun to combine the two, who knows
• this week in kpop: kpop is life (currently) so I will probably talk about kpop a fair bit
• questions about life
• things that went wrong this week in my life: probably going to be all work related and hence confidential but ANYWAY self explanatory
• popularity contests: inherently we are all creatures that worry a lot about how much other people like us. In the past, if you didn't fit into your tribe you'd probably die. These days you can survive even if people don't really like you, but it's still fun to have pissing contests
• world tragedy: sometimes shit happens on a world wide scale and you can't help but think about it
• daily happiness: I want to collect little moments everyday that made me happy, but i don't think i'll post them each time it happens. I'll probably tweet these as well and collate the best ones at the end of the week

Why restart blogging instead of vlogging? A number of reasons. I've always been slightly more practiced at expressing my words through text rather than through speech. I'm hoping to one day transition but to start with I thought it would be easier to just start doing something I already knew how to do.

Until next time! It's 2am. What am I doing with my life.

so...

new blog. new times. yeah.

BLAAAAAAAAAARGH

I know the AYCC social has been planned for at least 2 weeks now, but I am ready and willing to ditch it to attend dance rehearsal to learn formations for the routine.

Because when it comes down to it I prefer dance over environmentalism.

I realised lately that one of the few times where I'm not thinking about killing myself or other people is when I'm dancing.

I don't love my job anymore

Working used to mean earning a lot of money. But I'm not given any paper work to do, and most of the time I spend working is spent yelling at kids. What I enjoyed about my job was probably marking papers and checking grammar and all that. The actual face to face explanation of content and classroom management (although I'm paid more for it) is much less enjoyable.

Basically, I think I need to find a job where I didn't constantly wish I could defenestrate children (or myself).

AYCC

I feel like being part of this group isn't worth it anymore. With only 2 other people in the group regularly turning up to meetings, and one of those people soon withdrawing, it doesn't seem like we can achieve much at all. Even though the person that is leaving is someone I don't particularly like, and is being replaced with someone I like much better, I'm currently feeling dread and reluctance to go to the event planned for today as it will just be me and the current convenor (who will be leaving).

Basically... I want to quit AYCC...

40 hour famine

I am undertaking the 40 hour famine this year. Instead of giving up food, I will give up using the computer for 40 hours. This means no google, no hourly Bureau of Meteorology checks, no twitter, no email, no youtube, no blogspot, no NationStates, no Facebook and most importantly NO TUMBLR.

Considering I use the computer to study, play, relax and in general entertain myself this is going to be a very different weekend (starting friday 8pm, finishing 12pm Sunday). I’ll have to actually call the transport info line to figure out where and when I’m going somewhere. I’ll have to read the newspaper to figure out what the weather’s like the next day. I’ll actually have to talk to people for a change!

What I am asking for is a small donation. Any amount will help. $40 Australian dollars can feed a family of five for a month!

Bonus pledges:

If $125 has been raised by the 23rd of September I will give up listening to music from Glee for a month.

If $250 has been raised by the 23rd of September I will give up drinking alcohol for a year.

Please donate at http://40hf.com/VSeatang. The money is going to World Vision, who help to provide aid to some of the poorest countries in the world. Even the smallest amount will add up.

~ Ness

Personal thoughts on the label "slut"

If someone is between the ages of 15-17 and is having unprotected sex with a lot of people and giving blow jobs for “popularity and social benefits” it’s not your job to label them a slut. In fact, you don’t have to label anyone anything.

To put it crudely, even if someone is sucking off your boyfriend or your brother, it is not your business. Ain’t your dick she’s sucking on. Literally. Your boyfriend’s genitals do not belong to you.

Having sex for reasons other than pleasure, such as to gain popularity isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I would personally prefer to see a world where how much you are liked depends on how good you make people feel (either by being nice or by being physically pleasurable) rather than how violent or cruel you are.

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong about being proud over how many sexual partners you have. In my opinion, such a person doesn’t necessarily lack morals or self respect. Morality is not just about sexual purity, it also (shock horror surprise) depends on how well you treat other humans. There’s nothing wrong with letting people know how many people you’ve slept with, if you’re comfortable sharing that information it’s up to the people around you to cope with their own reactions to that news. This paragraph is true for people of any gender or sexuality.

If you’re working in the legal field as a criminal prosecutor, and a so called “slut” has pressed charges against someone for sexual assault and you personally believe that women who have had many sexual partners deserve to be labelled as sluts, then that is going to impact on how hard you fight for that case. You are going to think things like “Oh, she’s a slut she probably said yes anyway but regretted it and is wasting my time with this case.” Your personal bias shouldn’t impinge on the fact that 1) There has been a lack of consent 2) There has been unconsented to penetration 3) That is a punishable crime.

Caling someone a slut is most certainly in this day and age castigating someone for the number of sexual partners they may have, but it is also now a criticism of any behaviour (dress, manner etc) that the person doing the name calling disapproves of. What this label does is creates an environment where it is not okay for women to have sex, where it is not okay for women to be anything other than sexually demure. If the response to this is that “men shouldn’t have a lot of sexual partners either” then you are also seeking to impact upon the sexual freedom of all people, which is just as uncalled for.

Labelling anyone with “slut” and “manwhore” not only add to the overall hate in our society but exhibits a sense of laughable childishness in your evaluation of individuals.

People have different thresholds for sexual satisfaction. We all have drives, hunger and thirst are commonly known ones, and I would say that there is a sexual drive as well. Some people need to eat more than others, some people eat less. Similarly, some people need to have sex more, some people don’t feel that urge as much. Either way, people from across this spectrum deserve respect and none are better than the other.

Let me reiterate. Who someone sleeps with is none of your business. If someone if sleeping with your brother or friend, in my (very unpopular) opinion that is none of your business. Depending on what kind of relationship I would argue that if someone sleeps with your boyfriend, that is also none of your business (but that ties into the assumption of monogamy in a relationship, and is a slightly different issue).

If it’s none of your business, but you choose to make it your business and get upset, then that is your fault. For example, you might not like black people. Upon seeing a black person you have two choices: 1) get upset 2) Be calm. In fact in any situation, you have a choice on how you react to stimuli. If you choose to get upset, then that was your responsibility, thus your fault.

No one deserves to be castigated for the number of sexual partners they have, regardless of gender.

You gotta run as fast as you can to stay in the same place.

I feel like once you start school you can't stop. I keep wanting to learn things, and even at the point where I stop wanting to learn things I can't stop anyway. I want to be better and to grow, and they only way I can think of to do that is to keep learning.

I possibly could have stopped school in Year 10 and joined the workforce then. But I feel that I would have stagnated there, thus gained no improvement. Same goes for Year 12, and for the possibility of dropping out now, and for the possibility of not going on to do Honours or the College of Law =/

I sort of feel trapped, but at the same time I know that I have to keep going. I have to work hard, in order to keep learning. The only point I can see where I'll be able to stop is when I drop dead.

So I over-reacted

1) I was tired and couldn't sleep
2) That girl is still annoying
3) I'm angry because I feel obliged to react somehow, despite not having any reaction.

I guess I can't listen to people all the time, it does get irritating eventually especially late at night when I just want to sleep.

I'll end up helping her because it's right, but I won't like it

So there's this girl doing psychology with me. Let's call her W. Last year we did statistics and sat in the lecture together a few times. Everytime we sat next to each other I wanted to punch her, because she would not shut up and it took me every ounce of my brain to process what Eugene was saying. I eventually wised up and sat alone in the front of the class.

Today, she told me that one of her friends, N, had committed suicide.

I had interacted with N a total of 5 times.
1) She joined Rotaract and I said hi to her at the info night last year semester 2.
2) She helped out at the Biggest Morning Tea which I swung by to get some tea
3) She emailed me once to book a table for Trivia Night, and was probably there while I was there, though I didn't see her
4) She attended the Christmas picnic that I also attended. I said hi
5) We manned the stall for Rotaract one of the days for O-week

In all, I didn't know her that well. W brought it upon herself to tell me, thinking that I'd know N well. I asked her if she was okay, and told her that if she felt overwhelmed she should go talk to the counsellors at the Student Services building.

She wants to meet up sometime this week, and I do not. I feel as though I shouldn't be obliged to talk to you just because you're sad. W and I are not close friends and as far as I know she is bloody annoying. My current attitude is, W is not my problem and she has her own group of friends to talk to. I would like her to leave me alone.

That probably makes me sound like a horrible selfish person, but I guess that's what I am.

Well... shit

No matter what happens in Libya, whether or not Quackdaffy is overthrown they’ll just end up with another dictator and go to shit for the next 30 years. Once he’s overthrown everyone will forget about what has happened and will not make any steps in making the quality of life in Libya any better.

It’s happened in Afghanistan and Somalia. The rest of the world tried to interfere and tried to “fix” what was wrong, and now these countries are still messed up… but no one cares.

Nothing is going to be solved until everyone on the entire planet protests, goes on strike from doing anything and shouts “Hey, this isn’t working for most people. We’re not going back to work until something better is available.”

But that’s not going to happen because not everyone is educated or aware.

Awareness can be raised via news, blogs and oddly petitions. But signing internet petitions is completely useless as it is a form of slacktivism.

Slacktivism is defined as “the search for the ultimate feel-good that derives from having come to society’s rescue without actually getting one’s hands dirty, volunteering any of one’s time, or opening one’s wallet. It’s slacktivism that prompts us to forward appeals for business cards on behalf of a dying child intent upon having his name recorded in the Guinness World Book of Records or exhortations to others to continue circulating a particular e-mail because some big company has supposedly promised that every forward will generate monies for the care of a languishing tot. Likewise, it’s slacktivism that prompts us to want to join a boycott of designated gas companies or eschew buying gasoline on a particular day rather than reduce our personal consumption of fossil fuels by driving less and taking the bus more often. Slacktivism comes in many forms, but its defining characteristic is its central theme of doing good with little or no effort on the part of the person inspired to participate, through the mechanisms of forwarding, exhorting, collecting, or e-signing.” (Detailed explaination here)

My head is hurting. Crap happens, nothing I can physically do about it to actually help. Thinking of joining the socialist alternative… except for the fact that I’m scared of them.

On a slightly less mopey note, this year I will donate blood.

Capstone Blog Post

Since my last post:

Exam results
I did fairly well last semester, three distintions and a credit. Had to wait a while for some of the results to come out because apparently university administrators are douches and don't pay teachers properly. Or so I heard.

Thailand
I went to Thailand for a few days. Most of the time was spent in high end hotels or resorts and shopping centers. On the actual days where my cousins actually decided to experience some culture we walked on the beach, ate from proper local restaurants (super super cheap food. Like $1.50 meals), walked the streets of chinatown, bought things from street vendors and caught tuk tuks (open air taxis, often dragged by motorbikes in Bangkok and cars in Koh Samui). Bought a lot of cheap clothes and shoes, but also a lot of bottled water (feel so guilty about that. didn't see any recycling bins but we weren't allowed to drink from the tap).

Meeting the parents
Bumblebee was asked (by mum) to come to dinner. We had steam boat/sukiyaki (whatever you want to call it). After dinner we played mahjong and card games. I RULE at Big 2.

Chinese New Year Twilight Parade
I am going to be performing in the parade (woo!). The first rehearsal I went to was okay, but the next day I sore like no one's business.

Enrolment
Managed to enrol in most of my classes but eStudent was being a lagtastic bitch which meant the prerequisites hadn't been processed so I had to get a waiver. I also have my class timetable prepared for registration in 6 days (because I'm crazy like that).

And that's life.

it's that time again

exam time! I'm on my last exam, and while this should be a joyous occasion I am plagued with the red tide and cramps. Which means terrible crazy mood swings so sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I want to throw things against the wall. Yay for me.

new phone!

so the birthday wasn't too bad. no one called me fat, probably because it was my birth day, but my brother was told he'd put on weight. got some cash and a new phone as presents. all is forgiven. gee i'm fickle.

birthday dinner

my cousin's wife and her sister have invited me out to dinner. previously, my cousin's wife has called me fat so I'm wearing as much black as possible, two layers of stomach control wear and I'm not going to eat heaps and think thin thoughts. I'm already feeling nauseous and dizzy from how tight the clothes are. i'll probably mention that i'm not hungry if they ask, and if i do eat it will probably come back up again from all the stress and by reflex anyway.

but if she calls me fat again, i will thank her for taking me out and politely ask if i can go home and then i'm never going out with her again.

yeah my birthday is not going to be the funnest.

but you know, i'm not actually that fat. when i put my legs together, my knees don't touch, my butt is mostly muscle, and once exams are over i'll hit the gym, sleep normally, stop eating at random times and my stomach will flatten.

Ness' guide to team work with Ness.

After the last group work thing we did for law, we were asked to do a bit of research about team work, then to reflect upon the processes our team went through and what we learned. Here is a summary of the things that I will strictly adhere to in the future.

1) Where possible, form groups with people you already know and have contact details of. That way, if you have to you can harass them via facebook, email, phone and in person.

2) Once the group is formed and no one else wants to step up, assert some leadership. Talk about what the task is, what needs to be done, when it needs to be done by and who needs to do which part. The reason for setting a schedule is so that we can review the work done together as a group so it'll be easier to pinpoint what works and what doesn't.

3) Make sure that everyone knows exactly what they're supposed to do. In order for this to work, all team members must be present at each meeting. If you can't make it to a meeting you need a reasonable and acceptable excuse like your grandma died and you're going to the funeral or you've contracted a debilitating illness.

If your excuse is, "oh, I'm so hung over" or "I can't bother to come into uni on days when it's convenient for everyone else" my standard response from now on will be FUCK OFF. If you can't be bothered to study hard and only just want to pass, I will kick you out of the group.

4) If you haven't done your allocated task by the set schedule, then my response will also be FUCK OFF.

5) If I've told you to send something before 2am I mean it motherfucker.

6) Although I've asserted leadership, I will not tolerate doing all the work. I've allocated tasks for a reason, and I expect you to comply.

7) Compliance with all my rules will lead to handing the assignment on time. Furthermore if everyone in the group is smart and has done their parts to a good standard then we will get a fantastic mark.

This is why lawyers can't have nice things.

Sure lawyers might make a lot of money, but we all know money can't buy happiness. And while crying in a Ferrari might seem fun, it probably isn't.

Lawyers have the highest rates of depression amongst professionals, according to Beyond Blue survey.

Thinking about it now it does make sense. Mathmaticians have the best job satisfaction, outranking lawyers according to JobsRated.

Personally, I think it's because mathematicians can solve problems that have right and wrong answers. Lawyers don't. Maybe that's simplifying it, but I feel like I want to help people by fixing problems, but as a lawyer I'm not really fixing anything.

Oh well, back to more law readings.

tired mumblings

Recently I've been struggling with balancing my work load at university with my personal life, work and everyday tasks. I've often bemoaned about how everthing is so much harder than in high school and I'm frequently worried about my role in the future as a functioning member of society.

It is hard. The work is hard. There is never a right or wrong answer in law, and there is only an occasional yes or no in psychology based on what we've proven or disproven. Statistics is a bunch of maybes and 95% sure's.

It's only going to get harder. A lawyer or a psychologist, someone who fixes other problems. There's no textbook with the answers in the back, and you have to use your own reasoning to help as best as you can. You have to force yourself to think.

It's so easy not to think. It's so easy to be pulled along by the next high or low that strikes you. Love, drugs, trying to earn money, having fun and vegging out are all really easy to do. And if the tasks are enjoyable you want to do them more. It's human nature.

But tertiary students who are challenged and required to think and process large amounts of information, try and fit it into how their own logic works, and try and apply that to the world around them have a responsibility to use their intelligence.

We're the next generation. We have almost everything at our fingertips: information, basic needs, luxuries and many things that money can't buy. But we can and we have to make things better, for not just ourselves, but for the people we care about, for the people they care about , for the people who need our help. Because we're all human and I believe that all humans have a chance to develop and become a much better, kinder species if only the people we're educating use their brains and decide that being open, tolerant, well informed, fair and balanced is what's right.

Basically, I'm so tired right now. I'm not trying my best to do my best and sometimes I fall back and do things that are really easy because I don't have to think. But I know that's wrong and something has to change. I don't want to be the person who half asses their way through their education and becomes the not fully competent professional because I won't be any good to anyone. I don't want any student to half ass it through their education either because that stunts human growth.

I understand that development doesn't hinge entirely on academic success, and that students should be actively involved in what they have a strong interest and passion for, whether that be the performing arts, the environment, history, recreational sports and the like. But there needs to be a balance. The more knowledge we have, the more empowered students are. I believe this. We might be idealistic youths but I really believe that our generation will be the generation that changes the world for the better.

The cove

We love you, we love you, we love you
And when you play we follow, we follow, we follow
Coz we all follow Sydney, the Sydney, the Sydney,
And that's the way we like it, we like it, we like it.

That's the way
(You fucking cunts)
We like it
(You fucking cunts)