The cove

We love you, we love you, we love you
And when you play we follow, we follow, we follow
Coz we all follow Sydney, the Sydney, the Sydney,
And that's the way we like it, we like it, we like it.

That's the way
(You fucking cunts)
We like it
(You fucking cunts)

the last two months of stuff

Diversity Week
Mostly helped out with the Rotaract stall (we were sharing with the Dance Academy) and sold gerberas to raise money for the Mexican orphanage La Casa... and to promote the Latin Festival we were going to host later. Hung out with the Singaporean Student Association a bit and the Brewster.

Inception
A pretty good film. Not as mind-blowing or hard to understand as everyone made it out to be. The action scenes didn't exactly require insane mental powers to understand. Clever beginning and ending. Newfound admiration for Joseph Gordon Levitt and Ellen Page :3

Australian Election
My first proper election I guess. Voted for the local Labor member, and in the Senate voted for the Greens, Sex Party, Independents etc etc. I am probably partially responsible for the 9 seats the Greens now hold in the Senate hehehe. The Labor candidate for my area lost, but the Liberal member has experience I guess.

We still have a female, ranga prime minister, who is probably hanging on precariously because the votes were so close.

Latin Fest
We'd been trying to organise this stupid thing for a year now, and it finally culminated in an explosion of fantastic musical and dance performances, made even better with some spicy choripan, filling empanadas and slighty-too-crunchy churros.

Damn it, I still promote it instinctively. But it really was fun. I even got to let loose and dance a couple of times. Watching the Brazilian dancers, Mel and Nestor perform was really exciting and mindblowing too.

Scott Pilgrim v The World
Very funny film. Lots of great lines and nerdy references. Knives was so cute, I wanted to adopt her haha. The final battle was pretty epic.

Law + Psych Assignments
Two assignments due the same time on Monday morning made for a hell of last minute assignment cramming.

The plus side is I've handed in everything this semester on time (unlike last semester). I plan to keep doing that.

Bumblebee's Birthday Week
Bought a bag, discovered our favourite section of the library, bought a box full of useless stuff, made an awesome birthday card made of cardboard. Didn't actuall see Bee on his actual birthday though =/

Science Revue
Went to see Sherlock Ohms and Dr. Wattson and the Light Brigade at Sydney Uni. Very clever at times, funny at times, and constantly entertaining.

Actually went to lunch with Pichu and a bunch of highschool friends before hand, then going to karaoke for a few hours (glorious, extra, free minutes at the end hahaha). Actually sang a few Korean songs... despite not speaking or understanding more than a handful of phrases ^^

The bus home at night was a nightmare though. V and grog cans strewn everywhere, the entire bus stinking of BO, chunder and cigarette smoke. Got home pretty late too xS

Relay for life
Hiked all the way to the sports field, set up a blanket and dozed in the sun for a bit. Set up Bee's tent and put up his awesome Samurai Blue flag on the side of the tent. Had some delicious, healthy lunch provided by Bee then went Cookies hunting. Found her malnutritioned and exhausted from long hours of working. Mooched around some more and got some snacks to eat.

Eventually the actual relay kicked off and we had some fun dancing around the field for the first lap. Left early to get home and took an awesome short cut which I am totally using next time.

Sydney FC
Today! Went to see the footbal, Sydney FC v Gold Coast United. Met up in the city with Bee and had some Hungry Jacks for lunch. Waited for Bee's friend to turn up so we could take the bus to the stadium. When we got there it seemed like there were heaps of people there. The stadium seemed so full, it was pretty amazing. Actual attendance was something short of 10 000 =O

The Cove (organised bunch of really vocal Sydney FC supporters) sat in a particular bay and led the chants and songs throughout the entire game. Sydney scored first, then the Gold Coast potted one just before hlaf time (GUUUUUH).

Then some juniors came on the field at half time to play mini soccer, which was really fun to watch and cheer for.

The game ended in a draw, which was pretty disappointing. But yeah, definitely something I'd go watch again.

Quick recap of holidays

7th: LADY. FUCKING. GAGA. And Semi-Precious Weapons. We (Pendragon + uni buddy, Morgan + GF) we definitely wet and excited for the amazing Miss Gaga. She is a being of pure energy on stage, drawing strength from the audience the amplifying it at least tenfold back to the audience. She gives everything into her performance, singing, dancing and just generally being awesome. Yeah. YEAH. IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.

We also went to some jap restaurant for dinner. Morgan's GF eats a shitload. Even more than Pendragon. And that's saying something.

8th: First day back at work for me for this holiday, and coincidentally first day back for work guy. Since we hadn't spoken for about 6 weeks we were a leeeeeeeetle too friendly. And consequently our boss told us off x.x oops.

Apparently work guy is a casual dating slut because when he sees someone (regardless of gender) he hasn't talked to in a while, he goes with them for coffee/lunch/dinner/a movie or something similar that you would do on a casual date. I find this amusing. While we were having lunch, an older (fat) lady made suggesting eyebrow wiggles at him. BWAHAHAHA Even the memory of this amuses me. It did not amuse him.

I, on the other hand, am a people slut... according to Doormat. I can't go (so he says) for 5 minutes with saying hi to someone I know. I can't help it! I just like waving to people. And getting barred is just lip-smackingly delicious.

9th: Morgan's b'day at Bicentennial park. We got lost on the way there (because I was navigating D=), and we got lost on the way back (Because Pendragon was supposed to be navigating... but Cyan and I navigated instead)... then we got back on the right track after an emergency call to mum. Fun times

Fun quotes:
Jellybean: So around Homebush is DFO, the park, where they're having the Easter show and a cemetery right?
Me: *not quite paying attention* BOW CHIKA WOW WOW.
Jellybean + Cyan: WORST TIME TO SAY THAT EVER!!!!!!!!!11

*Pendragon straddling the back of a bench*
Us: Doesn't that hurt?
Pendragon: No it's ok! *points to crotch area* It's hollow!

So we chilled at the park... and climbed on the epic rope structure thing... while disapproving parents looked on ^^"

Then we went to Morgan's house. Awesome dude's twin did an EPIC HARDCORE shuffle to a techno song, and Morgan (like Jellybean a long long time ago) experienced a split second moment of pure regret in midair during a jump into his backyard pool sometime at night. People kept stealing Cookies' Strongbow (or rather awesome dude's twin's Strongbow).

12th: work + stuffed up with time management

13th: work + pwned a student

14th: work + stuffed up again + getting advice/being told off.

Well I got advice about how to teach better.

And then my boss somehow segued into telling me in a really round-about way not to be too friendly with people at work. Well she told me flat out that if a co-worker wants to touch me I should say no. HAHAHAHA out of context that sounds so wrong. She made a hugging gesture at that point, not a grabbing bum kind of gesture.

Anyway, that's my recap. I've been making money yes, but I haven't studied. I am in trouble. I shall start today. Promise.

Influential Halfies of my Life

Ange, Sass, and Fil: My bestie from year 2, and onwards and her older and younger sibling. They influenced a lot of the music I listen to now, and general behaviour patterns... like treating friends like literal family. We slept at each other's houses, and they also slept over at my cousin's houses too. Then they disappeared.

Sass says they moved. Whatever. But dance truly unites and reunites people... because she is at uni, and in the dance society with me... as a krumper.

Deewhy: A major primary school obsession/academic+dramatic+dance rival. I say obsession because I was both fascinated by the interest he was receiving from all the girls in the grade, and rival because I wanted to beat his ass at everything.

Cookies: Current bestie, from highschool. Understands my unintelligle mutterings. *sappy emotional stuff*

Bus guy: first cute *and* interesting guy at uni.

Anyway, tl;dr version: OMG childhood friends who I thought had disappeared forever and ever make a sudden, unexpected reappearance in my life. I am having a weird day and thinking weird thoughts.

O-week shenanigans

6:20am: Wake up, brush teeth, get changed, comb hair, grab lunch, eat breakfast
7:18am: Leave house for bus
7:23am: Argue with bus driver about fare. He wanted to give me what he thought was a cheaper ticket (but it was more expensive) ... but I wasn't going that way so I refused. He thought me very stupid.
8:05am: Arrive at uni. No one I know is there. People slowly start to trickle in, and eventually we practice our dance routine on the grass. Flirted with one of the Kelly brothers with my eyes. (Yeah... nah. I just looked at him with stalker eyes... which he thought was hilarious)
9:00am: Set up the Rotaract stall. Bothered... er talked to people all morning. Me and Bob plan on trolling the Socialist alternative booth at some point in the week. Our argument would be:

Bob: You shouldn't support homosexual marriage because marriage is a religious institution, and religion is the opiate of the masses. Hence, as the Socialist alternative who is supposed to be religion free, homosexual marriage is useless.
Me: Annnd, the whole concept of monogamy is what underpins Capitalist society. The whole advertising sector works based on the societal perception that sex is something forbidden, only to be experienced by a monogamous pair. Hence, by promoting and supporting homosexual marriage, you are further supporting the idea that monogamy is a good value, hence you are supporting Capitalism.

Weee. Fun.
11:00am: Law, lawyers and society. The lecturer looks like fun =]

1pm: Helped out somewhat at the Rotaract stall, then moseyed over the the MDA stall to do a last minute rehearsal.

2pm: Performed. Kinda shit, kinda fun. They also had a workshop where they taught a couple (literally a couple) of moves from Beyonce's Single ladies. One guy went absolutely nuts! He was friggin epic. He's so cute, I'm going to adopt him as my little brother.

3pm: Eating lunch, recruiting people

4pm: Perception Lecture. In the first hour, the lecturer used the exact same slides as the ones he used last semester (suck for us second years, probably awesome for the third years). Second hour was okay.

6pm: hometime!

Mentoring!

Today I got to meet the 5 first year students I'll be mentoring for the year. Woohoo! 4 girls (just graduated from highschool), one guy (who graduated in 'o8 like us second years... and he's been working for the past year).

Pretty cool bunch. a couple sing/dance/act/play an instrument (or some combination of the above). One guy has a last fm account xD so I'll add as soon as I can get facebook to work. And we'll meet up for coffee next week, and next year we'll be friends for ever and ever.

No, I'm kidding. I'll stick around as long as they need me/can cope with my craziness >_>

During the introductory speeches we did impromptu skits. I was the "annoying girl with the mobile phone" a.k.a. "Urine sample girl" Got the idea from the Chasers: below.



*phone rings* (from across the room, someone yells SHUT UP!)
Me: Hello, I called you earlier? Yeah you know the urine sample I was supposed to give you? I keep missing the cup. I put it in a bottle *pulls out bottle of berocca*. Is that ok? Alright I'll be there in a sec. Bye" *exit stage left*

Yeah... FUN!

Then I picked out my mentees, and took them to a classroom to drug them... er I mean get to know them. I got them to imagine that they were shipwrecked for a day... and pulled out a roll of toilet paper.

They had to take as much paper as they thought they'd need. I took about twenty sheets (just to set an example). The catch to this game is that for every square of toilet paper you took, you had to tell the group a fact about yourself. That was fun, and very educating =D

I took them on a tour of the uni, then we had lunch.

Then after that I went to dance practice... which was fail.

TL;DR: Mentoring: WIN. Dancing: FAIL.

Whacked out happenings

Wednesday 3/2/10
1) At parra station, a guy came up and asked me for $2 to get home. Then he muttered incoherently at me.
2) Also at parra station, a guy who seemed fairly well dressed walked up to the bin next to my bench and started sifting through the contents, first targeting coffee cups, then finally finding half an old donut. He picked it out and ate it as he walked off.

Thursday 4/2/10
1) Learned some more belly dancing
2) Spotted one of the Kelly Brothers working hard on something.

Saturday 6/2/10
1) Spud's birthday party. Passion pop, people wearing paper bags on their head and passive floating sensations in my head.

Monday 8/2/10
1) Fun neck hurting times from all the hair flicking/head banging/dancing on saturday
2) weird dizziness after watching rotating advertisements on tv in the middle of the food court

Tuesday 9/2/10
1) Witnessed a prang on one of three main roads. A car pulled into the bus lane of the main road to escape traffic. Simultaneously a car sped down an intersecting main road, turned into the main road i was standing on. Speeding car collided with car pulling out. Literally jumped back a bit (parts of car were flying around at low velocities)
2) Did some student mentor training. Swapped name tags with a dude at the end of the day, and got funny looks from people walking past.
3) saw the londonette's ex boyfriend on the bus to towers. Saw said ex do a double take at the name tag (or me... I'm not sure if I look different to 10 years ago or whatever)

Jello shots!

I desperately want to make them.

But there's something supremely pathetic about drinking alone... and neither of my brothers are old enough to drink... not that I'd endorse them drinking D= (they're smarter than I am, and ought to stay that way). I'd make them for the next party that's coming up, but it's being hosted by Babyface, who probably would not appreciate having drunk people around.



Look at them. How could anyone-who's-easily-amused-and-attracted-to-brightly-coloured-things resist?

Speaking of parties, I went to Pendragon's 19th party (I think it was his 19th =S). Funnily enough I was the only girl there... so without me, they would have been having a sausage fest. Actually my presence didn't change anything.... the guys brought party supplies: hats, long balloons, and alcohol.

Of course, like the mature responsible adults we are, we blew up balloons and shaped them into large phalluses. And much hilarity ensued.

I drove to my cousin in law's sister's house yesterday to play badminton + Wii + grand piano, eat dinner, watch Masterchef, play charades, sing karaoke and make attempts at prank calling people at 1am.

From badminton, my arms and ankles are extraordinarily sore. My pride is sore from losing at mario kart (stupid wii mote >=( ). Dinner was delicious (mmm steak and chips... lavishly marinated and salted of course). We took home the leftovers. Surprisingly, no matter what socioeconomic status you belong to, all Asians will use plastic takeaway boxes as Tupperware. I speak the truth. Both my cousin in law and her sister live in humongous, beautiful houses on large plots of land and they both use plastic takeaway containers. It's good to know some things never change.

And thanks to their humongous flat screen T.V, we were able to experience the full surround sound experience of watching the first Naruto movie (english dub... oh the agony...). It wasn't that bad I guess... the best line is when Koyuki-hime watches her father's royal guard leader/manager die, and says: "I can't cry. You have my eyedrops." Heh. A girl after my own heart.

My extended family seems to be really impressed with my plans for the future. I didn't tell them everything though... like how I'm planning to bring the system down from the inside... but that's crazy talk! Don't listen to me haha

Later on in the night I played truth or dare with the kids in the house who weren't playing Maple-story. One of the funnier things we succeed in getting my younger second cousin (once removed) to do was annoy adults. Her dad and his family friend were playing ping pong. I dared her to grab the ping pong ball and run away with it. Hee hee, kids are so cute.

Then we tried prank calling people... but everyone we tried didn't pick up/were asleep. eh. still had fun.

Tomorrow, I plan to enrol in more subjects at uni. I'm not looking forward to that, but I guess if I want to go on exchange I'll have to get enough credits =(

The heretic meme

Today we ripped this meme off a blogger known as Arnab Chakreborty from the blog The Heretic. He does not say where he got it from. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all us thieves!

http://sundaystealing.blogspot.com/2009/07/heretic-meme.html

1. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you lay in a bed with? Barney-wannabe. lol

2. Where was the last place you went out to eat? A Mediterranean restaurant in Parra... don't remember the name though. I had a really nice seafood paella

3. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? A strongbow, and before that vodka + lemon lime bitters, and before that vodka + apple juice

4. Which do you prefer - eyes or lips? eyes

5. Medicine, fine arts, or law? Law ftw haha

6. Best kind of pizza? homemade, with a focaccia base, and copious amounts of olives.

7. What is in store for your future? another 4.5 years of law, hopefully an internship in a law firm, many glorious years as a prosecutor/criminologist/solicitor then a few years doing pro bono work, then retirement, in which I will travel the world.

8. Who was the last band you saw live? The various junior/senior/performance bands at my old highschool's music night =]

9. Do you take care of your friends while they are sick? Er... I guess if they were living with me I would, but most of my friends live pretty far away from me... and sometimes they don't want my help.

10. How many songs are on your iPod? 8769 songs exactly

11. Where is the last place you drove to? the local shopping centre

12. Where did your last kiss take place? in a beach house

13. What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Monday night? sleeping in my bed. heh.

14. Are you a quitter? No. I actually pretty stubborn. But I'm not stupid. If it's not worth pursuing, I won't fight for it.

15. Who was the last person you had in your house? a few of twiggy's and the other one's friends.

15. What do you think about people who party a lot? I'd probably respect them if they manage to work as much as they party. Otherwise, I'd think they were a bit foolish.

16. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Hell no. I revel in talking about to make other people uncomfortable though. hehe

17. What was the last CD you purchased? technically, i didn't pay for it per se, but rising sand by robert plant and alison krauss... but i'll say it was included in the entrance fee for supanova.

18. What are two bands or singers that you will always love? I think Utada Hikaru and The Beatles

19. Which of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of? All of them except greed. But not to an excess

20. How is your last ex doing? Fine, I guess.

Supanova

On Sunday Cookies, Twiggy, Gandhi and I went to Supanova. Woo!!! check Cookies' blog for most of the photos =]

We got there at about 9:30 to find an already fast growing line! But luckily, the line was for people who had pre-registered, and the line for people who wanted to buy tickets at the door was a lot shorter... when we got there. Then it grew to epic proportions after =O

We spent most of the day taking photos of all the crazy costumes that people had made/bought, looking at the various merchandise stalls, playing COD 4 (well my bro did), and then towards the end of the day sitting tiredly on the second level of The Dome.

Eventually, Rachelle Lefevre stopped talking, and the Cosplay comp/skits started. Some of the skits were pretty good... some were not so good. There'll probably be vids up on youtube eventually. From where we were sitting, we couldn't see very much of it.

Lastly, we went for the Karaoke comp. I hadn't practiced at all, and just joined on a whim. I sang Aozora no Namida by Hitomi Takahashi, a song that is way out of my range. Cookies hadn't practiced since Animania, and sung Sousei no Aquarion. Gandhi had practiced a lot, and sung Hana by Orange Range. there were like... 7 singers.

Cookies came first (yay!) and Gandhi came second. Pretty awesome, guys ^^

For the trip home, it's a rather complicated process of getting from Sydney Olympic Park to the Western suburbs =/ By public transport, it's train, train (or bus if track work is happening), then bus to get home. Gah.

Anyway, travelling home in costume is rather fun, because it attracts a lot of stares from other passengers. Heh. And it also attracts crazy looking dudes who want to tell you their life story.

Well not quite. I dropped a safety pin on the ground, and me, cookies and gandhi spent a good minute looking for it. Then one of the train drivers/station guards came up and found it. Which led us to a convo about his good eyesight, which led to how his eye was crook from working as a welder, then a hand injury then to him working in the public transport industry.

We waited for Cookies' parents to come pick us up from Parra. While we waited we got hungry, so we ended up a Hungry Jack's. Their cheeseburgers have a rubbery texture. Yuck.

Fun day. Yeeeeewwwwww.

I just died in your arms tonight...

Hrrhhnnn... Well, on Saturday I went out again. I think I've been going out more often these hols, and I haven't actually done that much work... I've done a bit, but probably not enough.

Anyway, went out iceskating again, with Pichu, Layzorz, Xinger, aix, awesome dude, awesome dude's twin, pendragon, lief and spanker. Unfortunately Awesome dude hadn't skated in a while, so we spent most of the time helping him revise... and by that I mean we skated around him, and tried to antagonise him. heh, we're awesome friends.

Found out from Lief that Inkheart is a meh kind of movie, so I probably won't watch it. I was thinking of watching it, but it seems the be a run-of-the-mill fantasy, so maybe not. I figure since the main thing our group does these days is go out to watch movies, so I should sign up for the Cinebuzz thing soon. *nods*

After iceskating, we caught the bus to Blacktown to have lunch and play at the arcade. We met up with Layzorz, Pichu, Xinger and Lief who went there by car (Grr... I should have gotten my licence earlier T^T) at the food court, where everyone went off to buy lunch. Except for me (I brought a sandwich), and Xinger who brought... a bag of pikelets... LOLOLOLOL Very random. Seriously, the size of the servings from the Asian food place are massive. Only Layzorz and Pendragon could finish off everything.

Then off we went to the arcade. There was a crazy kid playing DDR using BOTH sides of the dance pad. That's right, all eight pads. He looked fully pro... but he probably needs to... get a life (general consensus). We spent most of the time winning tickets... Pichu turns out to be quite the little (literally xD) gambling addict. She kept throwing 20c into the machine that spews out tickets if you knock off some coins into the pit. In the end, we ended up with 291 tickets >_> I may have helped... I turn out to be quite good at the game where you shoot the teeth out of a horse's mouth. ^^"

We were going to get sticky photos, but Lief told me that the machine was broken, and only printed out 4 photos T.T We actually spent a lot of time bumming around *nods* We got a few prizes, a heart shaped stress ball, some miniature playing cards, a heart shaped slinky, a star shaped slinky, some mini erasers... novelty items that will probably never be used again... oh well =] twas fun

turns out that the 630 didn't run all the way back home so me and spanker had to catch the 611 to Barclay, then wait for the 610 to get back home. We had to wait for 40 minutes for the 610 T^T ah well, got to talk to him for a bit =]

When I got home, I came to the realization that when I'm hormonal, I jump to the randomest conclusions, and then react accordingly... which is I go completely batshit crazy. Man... sometimes I think it'd just be easier to go on the Pill and not have periods... Too much info? Yeah... probably. But yeah, it's a blog. I'll say whatever I want... and possibly regret it later... who knows?

LAN-ning

Yeah, I know lanning isn't technically a verb, but it might as well be. I went to Epping today to play Left for Dead at the Red and Blue internet cafe (next to the Gloria Jeans). It was pretty epic. Seriously, blowing the heads off of zombies is insanely fun. There's just something really awesome about hearing moaning zombies, computerised gun shots, the surprised cries of your team-mates (ahh... xerox... "uh... guys... a little help here =(" *lies squirming on the floor in pain*)

MWAHAHAHA

I think I'll learn how to play Starcraft next. Apparently, carriers are the best unit oO

After 2.5 hours of killing zombies, we went to lunch at some Asian place nearby. It was ok, serving sizes were quite good, but it was a little expensive.

Spanker had to go home for band practice, so we waited with him for a bit while he was waiting for the bus. While we were waiting, Spanker, awesome dude's twin, and morgan started beat-boxing. Yay! We probably looked like hoons.

Then we caught the train to Parra to go watch a movie. We split off into two groups, Pendragon, Awesome dude's twin, Morgan, Aix went off to watch Monsters vs Aliens, and me and awesome dude went to go watch The Boat that Rocked. Guess which movie rocked?

Lots of fun today. Although, I should probably get some work done soon =/

oops...

I may have destroyed half of my left eyebrow. Argh. I know you're only supposed to pluck away strays... but I may have gotten carried away. I suppose I could just draw it back on with pencil, like my mum does... but doesn't have to because she has tattooed eyebrows Oo Go mum, go. Woohoo.

So... I convinced ole padre to let me out on Saturday. Woohoo! Or not... because clubbing could be less fun than everyone makes it out to be, or possibly because there's another two parties happening at the same place at the same time... and that Barney (henceforth Barney-wannabe), will probably be there (thank you Facebook). That puts me in a somewhat awkward position.

Speaking of awkward positions...

it's so hot!!! milk was a bad choice!!!

hmm....

1) summer... brain melting heat = not fun
2) crushedbyingsoc.blogspot.com crashing = not fun
3) meeting awesome dude's (only he calls himself that hahaha) primary school friend + spud's friends = fun
4) seeing how much older the people at uni seem = daunting
5) seeing other friendship groups falling apart = scary
6) fighting (not much of a struggle yet) to keep our group together = an interesting challenge
7) learning cute little korean dances in sweltering heat = fun, but stupid

Conclusions on 2008, Resolutions for 2009 and general musings.

1) People judge you on your deeds, not your thoughts. You could be very well meaning, and do a heap of things that are strangely hurtful, and people would think you're awful. On the same token, you could be an evil git, and do a lot of altruistic things and people would think you're nice.

2) I am not an awful person. Sure, I do some exceeding stupid things, but I don't do them because I'm horrible, I do them because I don't think.

3) Said exceedingly stupid thing: Talking to Doraemon (named thus because of oddly round head), about Lief, and telling him pretty much everything. Now at the time I did this, I did not think that I should stop, nor did I think that I was doing anything wrong. In fact, it felt really good to have an outsider's point of view on everything. It's just unfortunate that he happens to be Lief's mortal enemy, and that everyone else in the room heard too. Now that was the stupid part that was really really dumb and will come back to bite me in the ass.

3) I do manipulate people to get what I want. That is probably wrong, but that doesn't actually stop me from doing it.

4) Like I said, I'm not actually an awful person, despite me going on about how evil I am. I actually say that I'm evil so that when I do something wrong, I can say "I told you so. You just didn't believe me." Also, after I've done something wrong that only I've noticed, I tell myself that I'm awful so that I don't actually have to do anything to fix the problem. It eases the guilt. I have a great logic centre.

5) I used to talk to Lief all the time. He was my deposit box for crazy talk. In fact he was pretty much the only person I could talk to about sex, love, and criminal behaviour completely without any discomfort, or fear of being judged. But now I've stopped talking to him, because he pushed me too far, and I haven't closed the gap between us.

In fact, I think the further the distance between myself and Lief, the better. Because I don't have the strength to deal with him anymore. So when he calls me, I lie, I omit facts, I don't tell him everything. He thinks that I'm drifting away from him, and he'd be right.

So now I don't have anyone to talk to about everything to. So I blog. And even then, I don't say everything in the one blog. I have a few dirty socks strewn all around the corners of the internet. I'm sure if you could be bothered, you could dig around and find out all the crazy things I think and feel, but then you'd be just as crazy as I am. It's probably not quite right to pour my heart and soul into an electronic journal, but I find it easier to express myself in written text, where I can edit my words, a lot easier than calling someone up, and thinking of things to say on the spot.

6) I have put on weight. And much that I hate to say it, this fact is draining my confidence. I used to like the way I look, but now all I can see in the mirror are tuck-shop-lady arms, a belly large enough to warrant questions about the due date of my baby, and my gelatinous thighs. There are some days when I feel ok about myself (particularly before I've eaten anything at all). I actually spend an hour trying to find clothes to wear everyday that don't make me look like a beached whale.

7) I don't blog for sympathy, or compliments. I was never given sympathy as a child, and I don't want or need it now. I don't want compliments, unless I've actually done something to deserve it. And these days, I don't feel like I deserve any compliments.

8) I'm not doing a very good job of behaving like an adult. You know, analytical thinking before making decisions, diplomacy, compromise that sort of thing. I am getting better at cooking a cleaning. I can do the dishes in less than half and hour now. =/

New Year's Resolution 1: Think before doing things.
New Year's Resolution 2: Think before saying things.
New Year's Resolution 3: Stop manipulating people.
New Year's Resolution 4: If I do something awful, and I feel guilty, I should do something to fix it, or deal with the consequences. If I've done something awful, and I don't care, then I should just forget it.
New Year's Resolution 5: Learn how to be less socially retarded in general.
New Year's Resolution 6: Eat less junk food, and have less soft drinks. Try to avoid Burger franchises.
New Year's Resolution 7: Take better care of my skin
New Year's Resolution 8: Exercise regularly.
New Year's Resolution 9: Be able to skim a kilometre.
New Year's Resolution 10: Save up $10, 000

So here's to the New Year. I hope that each year will be better than the last. And it should be. I can legally drink, have gay sex (not that I'm into that thing, and not that I'm a man that is gay and would be looking to have gay sex), go clubbing, visit pubs, visit casinos, buy lottery tickets, gamble (gambling is grotty, and addiction to it is likely to be hereditary), smoke (not that I would smoke. Smoking is also grotty, and I'd probably die while doing it), and become a registered member of certain rock climbing venues. Here's to being lucky in love, finding the path I want to take career wise, and starting up my hobbies of singing, dancing and general artsy stuff.

Fudgesticks.

I am quite possibly the most socially retarded person I know.

WTF is Christmas.

So apparently, it's Jesus' birthday. Jesus is a pretty cool guy, you know what with the turning water into wine, walking on said water, raising the dead, healing the sick, coming back from the dead amd what not. So yeah, Christmas is a pretty important day right? It's understandable to celebrate His birth yeah?

Unfortunately, for someone who doesn't particularly believe in a god, Christmas doesn't really have a meaning, aside from the fact that I get a free holiday where people all around me throw parties that either I'm not invited to, or that I am invited to, but to which I can't go.

Christmas makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm supposed to get presents for people, based on some tradition based off of a person that may or may not exist. Then I receive gifts that I'm supposed to like. Then I'm supposed to be happy about the fact that I'm celebrating some dead guy's birthday, without the help of alcohol, because alcohol gives me an allergic reaction.

Then I get messages from people wishing me a Merry Christmas, who normally wouldn't give a shit about me on any other day. Then I'm supposed to turn right back and wish them a happy holiday, and pretend to give a shit about them too.

Seems extremely pointless. Maybe other atheists feel like this too. Which is why it's probably tempting for them to join a church so they can join in the community spirit around Christmas time. But that pretty much makes them hypocrites.

Maybe religion acts as a kind of buffer to life's disappointments. Had a shit life? God planned it that way to make you the person you are. Someone you love died? God wanted his lamb back. Got a crap UAI? God planned that too. All those hours you spend playing DOTA had absolutely nothing to do with that. Predestination. You can take comfort in the fact that someone bigger than you is guiding your life while you yourself have no fucking idea why you live on this shithole called earth, why every day inflicts some kind of suffering upon you, and why you still push on despite said shittiness.

I guess believing in a god gives you someone to talk to when you're lonely and in need of solace. I mean, He's always listening, and as a plus He loves you unconditionally right?

It's kind of funny how some of my Christian friends believe in both Predestination and Free will. Because if you think about it, converting to Christianity requires Free will right? God created man with Free will. However, everything is predestined, so you converting to Christianity was already planned. But this negates the whole Free will thing.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to imply is that some people convert to Christianity because they feel cold and alone on Christmas, and they want to feel like they belong somewhere. That may or may not be a bad thing.

I myself do not feel cold or alone enough to want to do that. But it is tempting. But, surprisingly, I do have my morals, and I try not to do hypocritical things. But I do feel pretty crap right now.

we'll show the world we can dance

I am mildly annoyed right now. My camera is dying... and there's not a lot I can do about it. I don't have enough money to buy a new one right now. Gah. my poor bro, took photos and video at his formal, and it's gone. ALL GONE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! so yeah, he's pretty devastated. so devastated he smacked the camera twice... and now the camera will probably die fairly shortly. *cries*

On the bright side of life

1) I've apologised to Wotshisface for being a bitch, and he's accepted. yay! no hard feelings there.
2) I'm allowed out! yay! apparently my dad's two hour lecture wasn't exactly about banning me from going out. It was about how I should actually think before I say stuff... especially if it's hurtful to my mum. >< sorry mum. sorry dad. I've struck a deal, that I can go to all the stuff that's happening before new years, and after that I have to limit my going out to once a week. seems pretty fair to me =)

Now back to mourning the death of my camera. NOOOO!!!! DO NOT WANT!!!!!!!

Jamming

I went over to Wren's house today for a jamming session. Wren, M, Cyan, Barney Stinson, Ania, and myself made sweet, sweet music =D It was really fun. We'd talk randomly, and then broke into song for 2o minutes. I remember doing Viva La Vida - Coldplay, Everything - Lifehouse, Runaway - The Corrs, Four chord song tribute, Don't say you love me - M2M, Beautiful - Pete Murray, Fluorescent Adolescent - Arctic Monkeys, The Tetris theme, The Final fantasy fight scene theme, simple and clean - Utada Hikaru, Semi-Charmed Life - Third eye Blind, Love song - Amiel, Don't panic - Coldplay, Misery Business - Paramore, and a lot of random stuff... Music makes me so happy. Even if I'm in a really bad mood, singing or listening to music will generally make me feel better. =]