Jello shots!

I desperately want to make them.

But there's something supremely pathetic about drinking alone... and neither of my brothers are old enough to drink... not that I'd endorse them drinking D= (they're smarter than I am, and ought to stay that way). I'd make them for the next party that's coming up, but it's being hosted by Babyface, who probably would not appreciate having drunk people around.



Look at them. How could anyone-who's-easily-amused-and-attracted-to-brightly-coloured-things resist?

Speaking of parties, I went to Pendragon's 19th party (I think it was his 19th =S). Funnily enough I was the only girl there... so without me, they would have been having a sausage fest. Actually my presence didn't change anything.... the guys brought party supplies: hats, long balloons, and alcohol.

Of course, like the mature responsible adults we are, we blew up balloons and shaped them into large phalluses. And much hilarity ensued.

I drove to my cousin in law's sister's house yesterday to play badminton + Wii + grand piano, eat dinner, watch Masterchef, play charades, sing karaoke and make attempts at prank calling people at 1am.

From badminton, my arms and ankles are extraordinarily sore. My pride is sore from losing at mario kart (stupid wii mote >=( ). Dinner was delicious (mmm steak and chips... lavishly marinated and salted of course). We took home the leftovers. Surprisingly, no matter what socioeconomic status you belong to, all Asians will use plastic takeaway boxes as Tupperware. I speak the truth. Both my cousin in law and her sister live in humongous, beautiful houses on large plots of land and they both use plastic takeaway containers. It's good to know some things never change.

And thanks to their humongous flat screen T.V, we were able to experience the full surround sound experience of watching the first Naruto movie (english dub... oh the agony...). It wasn't that bad I guess... the best line is when Koyuki-hime watches her father's royal guard leader/manager die, and says: "I can't cry. You have my eyedrops." Heh. A girl after my own heart.

My extended family seems to be really impressed with my plans for the future. I didn't tell them everything though... like how I'm planning to bring the system down from the inside... but that's crazy talk! Don't listen to me haha

Later on in the night I played truth or dare with the kids in the house who weren't playing Maple-story. One of the funnier things we succeed in getting my younger second cousin (once removed) to do was annoy adults. Her dad and his family friend were playing ping pong. I dared her to grab the ping pong ball and run away with it. Hee hee, kids are so cute.

Then we tried prank calling people... but everyone we tried didn't pick up/were asleep. eh. still had fun.

Tomorrow, I plan to enrol in more subjects at uni. I'm not looking forward to that, but I guess if I want to go on exchange I'll have to get enough credits =(

The heretic meme

Today we ripped this meme off a blogger known as Arnab Chakreborty from the blog The Heretic. He does not say where he got it from. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all us thieves!

http://sundaystealing.blogspot.com/2009/07/heretic-meme.html

1. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you lay in a bed with? Barney-wannabe. lol

2. Where was the last place you went out to eat? A Mediterranean restaurant in Parra... don't remember the name though. I had a really nice seafood paella

3. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? A strongbow, and before that vodka + lemon lime bitters, and before that vodka + apple juice

4. Which do you prefer - eyes or lips? eyes

5. Medicine, fine arts, or law? Law ftw haha

6. Best kind of pizza? homemade, with a focaccia base, and copious amounts of olives.

7. What is in store for your future? another 4.5 years of law, hopefully an internship in a law firm, many glorious years as a prosecutor/criminologist/solicitor then a few years doing pro bono work, then retirement, in which I will travel the world.

8. Who was the last band you saw live? The various junior/senior/performance bands at my old highschool's music night =]

9. Do you take care of your friends while they are sick? Er... I guess if they were living with me I would, but most of my friends live pretty far away from me... and sometimes they don't want my help.

10. How many songs are on your iPod? 8769 songs exactly

11. Where is the last place you drove to? the local shopping centre

12. Where did your last kiss take place? in a beach house

13. What were you doing at 11:59 PM on Monday night? sleeping in my bed. heh.

14. Are you a quitter? No. I actually pretty stubborn. But I'm not stupid. If it's not worth pursuing, I won't fight for it.

15. Who was the last person you had in your house? a few of twiggy's and the other one's friends.

15. What do you think about people who party a lot? I'd probably respect them if they manage to work as much as they party. Otherwise, I'd think they were a bit foolish.

16. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Hell no. I revel in talking about to make other people uncomfortable though. hehe

17. What was the last CD you purchased? technically, i didn't pay for it per se, but rising sand by robert plant and alison krauss... but i'll say it was included in the entrance fee for supanova.

18. What are two bands or singers that you will always love? I think Utada Hikaru and The Beatles

19. Which of the seven deadly sins are you guilty of? All of them except greed. But not to an excess

20. How is your last ex doing? Fine, I guess.

Finish the sentence meme

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The Finish The Sentence Meme: http://sundaystealing.blogspot.com/2009/06/finish-sentence-meme.html

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... gave me the strength to focus on my education, and not on my next relationship.

2. I am listening to... Iron Maiden.

3. I talk... a lot.

4. I love... my family.

5. My best friend/s... is awesome.

6. My first real kiss... was not that great. Actually it was pretty gross. Actually, it put me off of kissing for a month.

7. Love is... a lot of things. A blog's worth of things. It can't be defined in a sentence.

8. Marriage is... great for some people, but probably not for me.

9. Somewhere, someone is thinking... of themselves, probably.

10. I'll always... be really short.

11. The last time I really cried was because... a stupid, stupid mistake was made.

12. My cell phone... is a brick that has lasted quite some time. =]

13. When I wake up in the morning... I usually stay in bed for another few minutes.

14. Before I go to bed... I brush my teeth. Or check Facebook =/

15. Right now I am thinking about... John Mayer. Well a particular song anyway.

16. Babies are... cute I guess.

17. I get on Myspace... NEVER. MySpace is the cesspool of the internet.

18. Today I... drove to Cabramatta =S

19. Tomorrow I will be... working! Then crossing off some things from my 100 things to do before I die list.

20. I really want to be... an agent of global change. Someday.

The old me is dead and gone

Well, I'm learning to look at emotional setbacks objectively, and to see failure as feedback on how to be successful in the future. I've promised myself that I will be kinder to myself, and that I will stop wasting my time.

I know that the transition from high-school to university is difficult, and it makes you vulnerable to feeling lonely and clingy, but I can always count on my old friends being there eventually, and I can make new friends.

I used to think that being in a relationship was the ultimate goal. Since I was 10 or so, I've found someone every year to be infatuated with. Now, I know that while being in a relationship is desirable, I don't need it. It can wait.

I'm smarter, older, a little bit wiser. I'm not lazy, and I can do anything if I want to. I think I'm a slightly different person to who I was last year.

Hey, it's ok to lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings right?

I'm not going to see 1.5 spot, because I can't be bothered. Sure I feel guilty about declining one of the parts, and sure I feel guilty that I'm not more involved in the club. That doesn't make me anymore inclined to make plans to go see it. So I'm going to lie and say that I was busy. It's not so bad, because I don't know the people in the drama club that well.

And also, one of my new psych buddies at uni is having relationship problems. It wasn't my place to ask, but I did. And there's so many problems I don't even know where to begin to help her out.

I figure she's a girl, so she'll be needed some kind of emotional reassurance. She wants someone to tell her it'll all be ok, and that it will all work out. So I did.

I lied. Most highschool relationships don't survive the transition to uni. This also includes friendships. Most long-distance relationships don't work out. Most people realise that they don't actually know their partner that well after the initial flood of hormones goes away.

Statistically, her relationship is destined to fail. I could work out the probability of it happening.

Friendships don't really last into uni either. It's either a success (π) or fail (1-π). The success rate is approximately 2/15. The Bernoulli distribution indicates that in general, there's a right skew, i.e. you lose most of your friends. I actually punched this into Excel, and that's what I got.

It's kind of sad really.

We tell each other lies everyday. It gives us hope and happiness. Without happiness we are depressed. Without either happiness nor hope, we are suicidal. Hence we tell each other lies to keep each other alive.

But hey, that's ok. Because in the long run, surviving is all that matters.

A series of increasingly uncomfortable conversations.

A topic that comes up surprisingly often these days between my parents and I, unfortunately, is sex. I think the reason this topic is coming up so often is because
1) I'm in uni with a variety of people, instead of your standard Asian nerds.
2) I can drink alcohol
3) I go out a lot more where they can't monitor my behaviour
And hence they panic and freak out.

It's extraordinarily awkward to talk about *certain* things with your parents. I'd come up with some kind of metaphor or analogy, but the truth is I cannot think of anything more awkward than that.

The hard and fast line they are trying to put across is "NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE". That also includes anything beyond hugging and, the recently conceded, kissing. My dad in particular wants me to stay as pure as the driven snow until I get married, and my mum wants me to stay "innocent" and I would stay that way if I steered clear of carnal knowledge.

Why?



Well, there are a multitude of reasons I suppose.

For example, according to the major religions of the world, there are reasons for abstinence.

Christianity forbids premarital sex. Some strands of Judeo-Christian religions also frown upon affection between married couples. I haven't read enough of the bible to explain this uet, but I'm fairly certain that's the case.

In Buddhism, one of the precepts, that is the behavioural guides for righteous living, is not to indulge in physical excess. This I do know the reason for. The causes of suffering, according to Buddhism, is desire for things that are physical, or tangible. This desire ties us to the world, hence be freed of this existence, and will be reborn again into the cycle of suffering.

According to the law, sex between consenting heterosexuals over the age of 16 is legal, sex between consenting homosexuals over the age of 18 is legal, sex between a 15 year old and a 18 year old is illegal, sex between two 16 year old males is illegal and all sorts of other fun things. Law, as I've been learning in Law, is not necessarily tied to morals.

Socially, it is less acceptable for a woman to have multiple sexual partners than a man. I think this stems from this society being somewhat religious.



Biologically speaking (again), sex stimulates chemicals that screw up with rational thought processes. I like thinking. I like having control. Anything that would prevent me from thinking clearly and depriving me of what little control I have over my life's situation surely would be detrimental.

So there's a wide range of reasons for why I shouldn't have sex.



Now, as far as I've heard, sex is a pleasurable experience. Explained on a technical level it seems a little messy. Biologically it used to be necessary for this to occur in order for reproduction to occur. But with the introduction of contraception, abortion, IVF etc, this is not necessarily the case.

Humans all experience desire at some stage, unless there is something neurologically wrong with them. Now this is just in general, as the word desire encompasses many facets.



As far as I'm concerned, sex is a base kind of pleasure. It is a purely physical sensation. However, as human beings, we ARE physical beings, despite having opposable thumbs and a brain, and all the kerfuffle raised over the years how Homo Sapiens are somehow separate to animals. Hence, if we are entitled to pleasures such as reading, writing, music, art etc, we should also be entitled to the most controversial physical pleasures as well.

I don't intend on getting married. And if I do get married, it will not follow the conventions of a typical marriage according to either religious norms nor shall it follow the norms my parents propose. Hence, it will be regarded as an invalid "marriage" by both society and my parents.

From this, it follows that I will never have sexual relations with anyone.

Now this is something I intensely disagree with.

I feel as though the only thing preventing me from choosing how to live my life is fear of some sanction, whether it is from a religious, social or moral power. Hence, this unnamed power is preventing me from having some form of control over my life, and this is the collar that chafes at my neck.


The problem with my parents just telling me to not have sex is that the reasons they give for it are a little arbitary. Most of the reasons I've listed here I've had to come up with for myself.

In the end, I've decided on a set of guidelines for my own behaviour, that is not quite in accordance to the values my parents and parts of my society espouse. I just hope that there aren't too many negative consequences from that, and if there are consequences I hope I can deal with them.

YARRRRR.

It's plain to see the evil inside of me is on the rise...

Hmm... turned down a part in a play because it clashes with Animania... which I've already paid for... and even though I know Animania won't be all that awesome, I'd rather spend a day with my highschool friends than with people I barely know at uni... so sue me. Plus it clashes with M's birthday... and the director is scary... and the play is kind of cliched (but awesome) and the afterparty would have been fun too... but >_> doesn't matter la.

Hopefully I'll get into the Dr Horrible musical though. I watched that yesterday, and it is totally legen... wait for it.... dary! Legendary! Neil Patrick Harris is an amazing singer and actor. I bet he breaks hearts everytime people find out he's gay. *crosses fingers*



I haven't done anything so evil recently... but I still have foot in mouth disease -_- it's not so bad if I don't talk.... or drink... or have caffeine... stupid drugs....

it's so hot!!! milk was a bad choice!!!

hmm....

1) summer... brain melting heat = not fun
2) crushedbyingsoc.blogspot.com crashing = not fun
3) meeting awesome dude's (only he calls himself that hahaha) primary school friend + spud's friends = fun
4) seeing how much older the people at uni seem = daunting
5) seeing other friendship groups falling apart = scary
6) fighting (not much of a struggle yet) to keep our group together = an interesting challenge
7) learning cute little korean dances in sweltering heat = fun, but stupid

The 10 legged inter-species horizontal cha cha

The cockamouse is a hybrid creature, part cockroach, part mouse. It exists only in the fictional realms of "How I met your mother" in Ted, Marshall and Lily's apartment.

I may have spent too much time watching TV with my family. Till about 2am in fact.

It feels rather odd to watch a TV show, with my dad in particular, that expresses values that are so clearly opposing to my parent's. I.e. The show espouses comparatively liberal views on sex.

Because my parents have a very traditional viewpoint on pretty much everything. And they think that people who don't hold the same values they do are beneath them. So far they don't know that I don't actually think like they do, adn I have done (and plan to do) things that goes against what they have been teaching me (even until now).

It feels odd.

I am a sell out.

This time last year, I was heatedly arguing with my dad about how people who put Medicine as their first choice, and Law as their second were complete an utter money-grubbing, soulless, spineless children who were control either by their parents, or by their desire for power and money. Because surely, someone who truly wanted to do Medicine would be altruistic and interested in Science. Whereas, a Lawyer, would be interested in upholding Justice, but not necessarily for altruistic reasons, and would be more interested in the Arts. Two completely different subjects right? So if you were truly interested in one, you couldn't be interested in both.

I was wrong.

Medicine appeals to me because since year 10, I've wanted to be a psychiatrist.

Law appeals to me because since year 9, I've wanted to be a criminal psychologist.

I don't actually care about how much money I make. I don't care about how my parents will be able to boast about how they have a Doctor/Lawyer in the family.

I'm thinking that those two course will interest me intellectually, and I will enjoy the career that comes out of the degree.

But since I completely dismissed people who put those down as preferences one after the other, I am a hypocrite.

On a slightly related note:

I have 27 hours and 16 minutes to change my preferences.

Gah.

Conclusions on 2008, Resolutions for 2009 and general musings.

1) People judge you on your deeds, not your thoughts. You could be very well meaning, and do a heap of things that are strangely hurtful, and people would think you're awful. On the same token, you could be an evil git, and do a lot of altruistic things and people would think you're nice.

2) I am not an awful person. Sure, I do some exceeding stupid things, but I don't do them because I'm horrible, I do them because I don't think.

3) Said exceedingly stupid thing: Talking to Doraemon (named thus because of oddly round head), about Lief, and telling him pretty much everything. Now at the time I did this, I did not think that I should stop, nor did I think that I was doing anything wrong. In fact, it felt really good to have an outsider's point of view on everything. It's just unfortunate that he happens to be Lief's mortal enemy, and that everyone else in the room heard too. Now that was the stupid part that was really really dumb and will come back to bite me in the ass.

3) I do manipulate people to get what I want. That is probably wrong, but that doesn't actually stop me from doing it.

4) Like I said, I'm not actually an awful person, despite me going on about how evil I am. I actually say that I'm evil so that when I do something wrong, I can say "I told you so. You just didn't believe me." Also, after I've done something wrong that only I've noticed, I tell myself that I'm awful so that I don't actually have to do anything to fix the problem. It eases the guilt. I have a great logic centre.

5) I used to talk to Lief all the time. He was my deposit box for crazy talk. In fact he was pretty much the only person I could talk to about sex, love, and criminal behaviour completely without any discomfort, or fear of being judged. But now I've stopped talking to him, because he pushed me too far, and I haven't closed the gap between us.

In fact, I think the further the distance between myself and Lief, the better. Because I don't have the strength to deal with him anymore. So when he calls me, I lie, I omit facts, I don't tell him everything. He thinks that I'm drifting away from him, and he'd be right.

So now I don't have anyone to talk to about everything to. So I blog. And even then, I don't say everything in the one blog. I have a few dirty socks strewn all around the corners of the internet. I'm sure if you could be bothered, you could dig around and find out all the crazy things I think and feel, but then you'd be just as crazy as I am. It's probably not quite right to pour my heart and soul into an electronic journal, but I find it easier to express myself in written text, where I can edit my words, a lot easier than calling someone up, and thinking of things to say on the spot.

6) I have put on weight. And much that I hate to say it, this fact is draining my confidence. I used to like the way I look, but now all I can see in the mirror are tuck-shop-lady arms, a belly large enough to warrant questions about the due date of my baby, and my gelatinous thighs. There are some days when I feel ok about myself (particularly before I've eaten anything at all). I actually spend an hour trying to find clothes to wear everyday that don't make me look like a beached whale.

7) I don't blog for sympathy, or compliments. I was never given sympathy as a child, and I don't want or need it now. I don't want compliments, unless I've actually done something to deserve it. And these days, I don't feel like I deserve any compliments.

8) I'm not doing a very good job of behaving like an adult. You know, analytical thinking before making decisions, diplomacy, compromise that sort of thing. I am getting better at cooking a cleaning. I can do the dishes in less than half and hour now. =/

New Year's Resolution 1: Think before doing things.
New Year's Resolution 2: Think before saying things.
New Year's Resolution 3: Stop manipulating people.
New Year's Resolution 4: If I do something awful, and I feel guilty, I should do something to fix it, or deal with the consequences. If I've done something awful, and I don't care, then I should just forget it.
New Year's Resolution 5: Learn how to be less socially retarded in general.
New Year's Resolution 6: Eat less junk food, and have less soft drinks. Try to avoid Burger franchises.
New Year's Resolution 7: Take better care of my skin
New Year's Resolution 8: Exercise regularly.
New Year's Resolution 9: Be able to skim a kilometre.
New Year's Resolution 10: Save up $10, 000

So here's to the New Year. I hope that each year will be better than the last. And it should be. I can legally drink, have gay sex (not that I'm into that thing, and not that I'm a man that is gay and would be looking to have gay sex), go clubbing, visit pubs, visit casinos, buy lottery tickets, gamble (gambling is grotty, and addiction to it is likely to be hereditary), smoke (not that I would smoke. Smoking is also grotty, and I'd probably die while doing it), and become a registered member of certain rock climbing venues. Here's to being lucky in love, finding the path I want to take career wise, and starting up my hobbies of singing, dancing and general artsy stuff.

9th wedding in the family

So my cousin Londonette is finally getting married. She has found a nice strapping English lad who works in the entertainment industry (as a DJ, a promoter and a bouncer), who's quite tall, well built, bald, and a good chess player. Let's call him Kasparov.

Londonette and Kasparov are getting married sometime in August in Thailand. Now my parents are refusing to attend said wedding. I asked if it was because it was Thailand and that it was kind of like they were eloping.

Actually, they're refusing to go because she ran off to London for five years, and because she's marrying a guy who's English like Stephen K. Amos is English. Except he's not gay. Or a comedian.

Yeah.

Wrap your head around that.

I think the next boy I bring home will be a pinoi.

Grah?

The pros and cons of moving out.

Pros:

1) Freedom
2) Independence
3) Learning life skills
4) I don't have to follow my parents rules
5) My father wants me out of the house because I don't want to follow said rules

Cons
1) Money
2) I will miss my brothers
3) I haven't even started looking for a place to live
4) I don't know how to drive, and would therefore spend even more money travelling on public transport
5) I'd have to get better paid work

Right. Now that my father has officially asked me to pack my bags and leave home, I shall set about researching a place to live. I don't think he actually means it, but I will take it as an invitation to leave. Wish me luck.

they taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies

I miss Spud. I wish I could talk to her. Now that I can't talk at Lief, Spud is the only one who I can talk at comfortably. Of course I talk to various people, but there is a subtle difference between talking to and talking at. Anyway... I'm just rambling.

According to my parents, because I'm over 18 now, I should behave, talk and think more like an adult. I should be more responsible for the happenings of the household, and over aspects of my life. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to have the privileges of being 18. I'm not allowed to drink when I go out and I'm not even allowed to go out anymore. I have a job, but the money I earn there is to be locked away so that I can buy textbooks for university, and so I can tutor students. I have to ask permission everytime I want to step out of the house.

So. I'm expected to act like an adult, but I'm still being treated as a child. It would be insufficient to say I am mildly annoyed.

Ethics - OR - How I completely smacked that interview in the face

All that reading on ethics (I think I spent 6 hours or so on that alone) came in handy afterall. There were a lot of ethical reasoning/dilemma stations today, or stations which required reasonable thought that stemmed from ethical reasoning.

Unfortunately when it came to stations that were supposed to be nice ones, I choked. "Why do you want to be a doctor?" Well I'm interested in human behaviour and their actions, especially when things go wrong. I'm a problem solver, so fixing problems is what I want to do for the rest of my life. "Any other reasons?" ... Is that not a good enough reason? Um... to... save... lives? To... help... people... and stuff... *mumble mumble* WTF Are you telling me that my reason for becoming a doctor isn't good enough for you? Well you can go to "Your time is up for this station. Please exit the room and wait outside the door of your next station. Thank you."

*phew*

Another "nice" one. You had to pick out of a choice of 4 emotions, the emotion that best represented that in the eyes of the picture given. I had already done this question in this quiz: ==> http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex/index_cookie.shtml. But there were 36 of them to do in 7 minutes and it took too long >< damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn

And then another one where I had to deal with a crying patient.

I slammed the rest of the staions though. Take that!

I feel really drained right now.

Ethics - OR- Why I shouldn't become a doctor.

So. My interview that partially determines whether or not I will be accepted into the Med course at UWS is tomorrow. Instead of researching how the Australian healthcare system works, the course requirements etc, I am sitting here blogging. Maybe it's because I'm not wholehearted sure I want to become a doctor. I know that if I want something desperately enough I will get it. I usually get what I want (more on that later).

I know that I've wanted to become either a psychologist or a psychiatrist for a long time. Probably since Lief walked into my life actually. I find people, their behaviour, their habits, their ways of thinking very interesting, and I'd like to work in a career where I can learn something I'm interested in.

I've been looking at the questions that I may be asked tomorrow. For example:

Dr Cheung recommends homeopathic medicines to
his patients. There is no scientific evidence or
widely accepted theory to suggest that homeopathic
medicines work, and Dr Cheung doesn’t believe
them to. He recommends homeopathic medicine
to people with mild and non-specific symptoms
such as fatigue, headaches and muscle aches,
because he believes that it will do no harm, but will
give them reassurance.

Consider the ethical problems that Dr Cheung’s
behaviour might pose. Discuss these issues with the
interviewer.

The above was taken from:
Kevin W Eva, Jack Rosenfeld, Harold I Reiter, Geoffrey R Norman (2004)
An admissions OSCE: the multiple mini-interview
Medical Education 38 (3), 314–326.

Well, ethically speaking, it's wrong to lie. Experimenting with a placebo on a patient without consent is unethical. If he wanted to reassure the patient, then he should consult with the patient about how the homeopathic remedy hasn't been scientifically proven, but it's an alternative to Western medicine.

Those are the answers given by a few prospective medical students.

I looked at the question, and couldn't find the dilemma.

I think I may be trouble. My ethics are questionable at best. Given a choice between letting a group of innocents die, and a letting one innocent die, I would usually choose one innocent