A topic that comes up surprisingly often these days between my parents and I, unfortunately, is sex. I think the reason this topic is coming up so often is because
1) I'm in uni with a variety of people, instead of your standard Asian nerds.
2) I can drink alcohol
3) I go out a lot more where they can't monitor my behaviour
And hence they panic and freak out.
It's extraordinarily awkward to talk about *certain* things with your parents. I'd come up with some kind of metaphor or analogy, but the truth is I cannot think of anything more awkward than that.
The hard and fast line they are trying to put across is "NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE". That also includes anything beyond hugging and, the recently conceded, kissing. My dad in particular wants me to stay as pure as the driven snow until I get married, and my mum wants me to stay "innocent" and I would stay that way if I steered clear of carnal knowledge.
Why?
Well, there are a multitude of reasons I suppose.
For example, according to the major religions of the world, there are reasons for abstinence.
Christianity forbids premarital sex. Some strands of Judeo-Christian religions also frown upon affection between married couples. I haven't read enough of the bible to explain this uet, but I'm fairly certain that's the case.
In Buddhism, one of the precepts, that is the behavioural guides for righteous living, is not to indulge in physical excess. This I do know the reason for. The causes of suffering, according to Buddhism, is desire for things that are physical, or tangible. This desire ties us to the world, hence be freed of this existence, and will be reborn again into the cycle of suffering.
According to the law, sex between consenting heterosexuals over the age of 16 is legal, sex between consenting homosexuals over the age of 18 is legal, sex between a 15 year old and a 18 year old is illegal, sex between two 16 year old males is illegal and all sorts of other fun things. Law, as I've been learning in Law, is not necessarily tied to morals.
Socially, it is less acceptable for a woman to have multiple sexual partners than a man. I think this stems from this society being somewhat religious.
Biologically speaking (again), sex stimulates chemicals that screw up with rational thought processes. I like thinking. I like having control. Anything that would prevent me from thinking clearly and depriving me of what little control I have over my life's situation surely would be detrimental.
So there's a wide range of reasons for why I shouldn't have sex.
Now, as far as I've heard, sex is a pleasurable experience. Explained on a technical level it seems a little messy. Biologically it used to be necessary for this to occur in order for reproduction to occur. But with the introduction of contraception, abortion, IVF etc, this is not necessarily the case.
Humans all experience desire at some stage, unless there is something neurologically wrong with them. Now this is just in general, as the word desire encompasses many facets.
As far as I'm concerned, sex is a base kind of pleasure. It is a purely physical sensation. However, as human beings, we ARE physical beings, despite having opposable thumbs and a brain, and all the kerfuffle raised over the years how Homo Sapiens are somehow separate to animals. Hence, if we are entitled to pleasures such as reading, writing, music, art etc, we should also be entitled to the most controversial physical pleasures as well.
I don't intend on getting married. And if I do get married, it will not follow the conventions of a typical marriage according to either religious norms nor shall it follow the norms my parents propose. Hence, it will be regarded as an invalid "marriage" by both society and my parents.
From this, it follows that I will never have sexual relations with anyone.
Now this is something I intensely disagree with.
I feel as though the only thing preventing me from choosing how to live my life is fear of some sanction, whether it is from a religious, social or moral power. Hence, this unnamed power is preventing me from having some form of control over my life, and this is the collar that chafes at my neck.
The problem with my parents just telling me to not have sex is that the reasons they give for it are a little arbitary. Most of the reasons I've listed here I've had to come up with for myself.
In the end, I've decided on a set of guidelines for my own behaviour, that is not quite in accordance to the values my parents and parts of my society espouse. I just hope that there aren't too many negative consequences from that, and if there are consequences I hope I can deal with them.
YARRRRR.
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4 comments:
My view on sex is as folows;
Sex may once have ben tied to reproduction. Now it isn't, necessarily.
Sex is abodily need, it can also be a powerful bonding experience and can now be had without past dangers, if you like.
I don't see sex as being dirty, no matter how many times one has it and with how many people.
Nor does it dirty people.
Generally, people who are freer with sex end up being nicer people than pople who abstain from it. It sems to work out that way.
I tend these days to have sex with people for the simple reason that I want to and they want to.
And in my view, it really should be that simple.
Sex may be a bodily need, but people can live without it. Aside from nuns, priests, monks what have you, there have been case where people have lived without sex for their entire lives. It doesn't make them any nicer or more evil in either case. I believe that the choice not to have sex is completely different to wanting to have sex, but abstaining for arbitary reasons.
For my parents, it seems as though they think that not having sex before marriage is a matter of pride (father's view) and a matter of value (mother's view). It's not about it being dirty my case. In fact, it's been described to me as a beautiful experience, if shared with the "right person" ie spouse.
An analogy I've heard describing sex is that it is like chocolate. It makes you happy, but too much of it is detrimental to you in some way. In this case, as I stated before it produces higher levels or neuro-transmitters which can interfere with logic and reason, and also in extreme cases hyper-sensitivity.
I partially agree that is should be as simple as whether or not you feel like it. But I still believe there's some merit in moderation.
That.
Was a long post.
And those.
Were long comments.
I think it's you're decision to do what you want, as long as it's safe.
Good luck.
Yeah, long comments from the need to analyse the pros and cons. Plus it's still a little difficult to come up with an opinion sometimes. -_-
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