Okay, I'm not that stupid.

So I keep thinking about what my boss said. She told me that I should keep my co-workers at an arms distance. She meant literally... bringing up the no-touching-rule and all. I've chosen to accept that in its figurative sense. It's quite logical not to invest emotionally into any co-worker, particularly as most of us are busy uni students. We don't see anyone in particular regularly, and out schedules are rarely stable.

You have to do what you have to in order to show that you're friendly. Sure that might mean having a nice conversation during your coffee break, or going for lunch together.

You just have to make sure at the same time that you're not willing to go beyond the usual "How are you, how was your weekend" kind of deal. So if their wife dies you express your sadness for them, but don't offer to be there emotionally for them when you should be working. Cold? A little perhaps, but if their wife died should they really be at work?

Point is: yes boss, I am aware that you are advising me to be somewhat distant to a certain co-worker. Thank you for the advice that getting involved with him would be a bad idea in the long run. I am aware of all this, and you talking about it with me is just so very, very awkward.

Quick recap of holidays

7th: LADY. FUCKING. GAGA. And Semi-Precious Weapons. We (Pendragon + uni buddy, Morgan + GF) we definitely wet and excited for the amazing Miss Gaga. She is a being of pure energy on stage, drawing strength from the audience the amplifying it at least tenfold back to the audience. She gives everything into her performance, singing, dancing and just generally being awesome. Yeah. YEAH. IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.

We also went to some jap restaurant for dinner. Morgan's GF eats a shitload. Even more than Pendragon. And that's saying something.

8th: First day back at work for me for this holiday, and coincidentally first day back for work guy. Since we hadn't spoken for about 6 weeks we were a leeeeeeeetle too friendly. And consequently our boss told us off x.x oops.

Apparently work guy is a casual dating slut because when he sees someone (regardless of gender) he hasn't talked to in a while, he goes with them for coffee/lunch/dinner/a movie or something similar that you would do on a casual date. I find this amusing. While we were having lunch, an older (fat) lady made suggesting eyebrow wiggles at him. BWAHAHAHA Even the memory of this amuses me. It did not amuse him.

I, on the other hand, am a people slut... according to Doormat. I can't go (so he says) for 5 minutes with saying hi to someone I know. I can't help it! I just like waving to people. And getting barred is just lip-smackingly delicious.

9th: Morgan's b'day at Bicentennial park. We got lost on the way there (because I was navigating D=), and we got lost on the way back (Because Pendragon was supposed to be navigating... but Cyan and I navigated instead)... then we got back on the right track after an emergency call to mum. Fun times

Fun quotes:
Jellybean: So around Homebush is DFO, the park, where they're having the Easter show and a cemetery right?
Me: *not quite paying attention* BOW CHIKA WOW WOW.
Jellybean + Cyan: WORST TIME TO SAY THAT EVER!!!!!!!!!11

*Pendragon straddling the back of a bench*
Us: Doesn't that hurt?
Pendragon: No it's ok! *points to crotch area* It's hollow!

So we chilled at the park... and climbed on the epic rope structure thing... while disapproving parents looked on ^^"

Then we went to Morgan's house. Awesome dude's twin did an EPIC HARDCORE shuffle to a techno song, and Morgan (like Jellybean a long long time ago) experienced a split second moment of pure regret in midair during a jump into his backyard pool sometime at night. People kept stealing Cookies' Strongbow (or rather awesome dude's twin's Strongbow).

12th: work + stuffed up with time management

13th: work + pwned a student

14th: work + stuffed up again + getting advice/being told off.

Well I got advice about how to teach better.

And then my boss somehow segued into telling me in a really round-about way not to be too friendly with people at work. Well she told me flat out that if a co-worker wants to touch me I should say no. HAHAHAHA out of context that sounds so wrong. She made a hugging gesture at that point, not a grabbing bum kind of gesture.

Anyway, that's my recap. I've been making money yes, but I haven't studied. I am in trouble. I shall start today. Promise.

More relationship advice

Ne... there's this guy I really like.

Me: Okay...? And?

He's cute, funny, smart and really really nice.

Me: God. Where do you meet these people.

Haha, very funny. I asked him out subtly... but he said no. Should I ask him again?

Me: Oh... honey... No. Just no. Don't you have any pride?

But I'm sure he likes me? Maybe he's not into going to see that particular movie.

Me: ... I think he's just letting you down gently.

*sniff* But I really like this guy! Maybe he'll change his mind?

Me: I dunno... Maybe. I'm sorry I can't help you =/

***

-_- Why do I get the feeling that somebody, somewhere out there is laughing at me?

***

And I totally saw bus guy again today. Which doesn't make sense, because I thought he transferred unis =/

Cosmic Irony...

... is... actually I'm not sure what it is.

But I think that it's something like this: people talking to me about their relationship problems... and me feeling compelled to make some comment about it/give advice...

Yes. Because I am the most qualified to be giving out relationship advice. Not being in any significant kind of romantic relationship for 2 and a bit odd years. Go me.

A number is a funny thing.

Work guy used a sneaky method of getting my number. He told me that my phone was so old and it was bound to break soon. Then he said he might as well get my number now if I was going to keep my number after getting a new phone... pranking his phone using my phone.

So now I have another... pretty much useless... phone number in my phone. I don't know what to do with it. I want to call him, but maybe I'm supposed to wait or something. It's not like he's going to have any time to see me once he starts uni next week.

Figures he'd leave it to the last day that we'll see each other to get my number. Baka-yaro.

The other useless number I have is Bus guy's number... which I'm totally deleting... like right now.

On the flip-side, I saw Nee-hime today with her BF. That was nice.

I also got paid today. I am getting that much closer to my plane tickets to thailand. yeearr.

I was right... i guess

Slightly less than a year ago, a friend of mine talked to me about her relationship troubles. I predicted (not to her face), that the reason why she was having problems was because it was a relationship stemming from highschool, and that it wouldn't last much longer. I was right... and now she's in another relationship.

Being the gossip that I am, I enjoy digging out details about people's lives... whether it's some traumatic memory from when they were 16, to the newest item of clothing that they bought, to what their parents do for a living. People interest me... most of the time. The only time I don't find people interesting is when I'm in an extremely bad mood.

I guess I'm trying to segue into something another friend told me last week. What she said was that a couple of years back, another friend of mine approached her for sex. What she was confused about was that he considered her to be like a sister... and yet he wanted her sexually. Apparently this guy can't tell the difference between love and lust... to him they are pretty much the same thing.

Which brings me to (yeah... ok, so I'm not so great with segues. So sue me. Actually don't.) the fact that it's only been more recently that I've been able to tell the difference between lust... and actually liking someone enough to consider being in any semblance of a relationship with them.

Yup, you know it. I am a friggin genius.

And hey, what do you know but at the moment I don't particularly like anyone. Which is sad... but hey, I guess there's less opportunities to be hurt... or disappointed... or angry.

I don't feel well educated enough to make any political posts anytime soon... so maybe once I know enough about Marxism, Nietzsche, and just more political discourse in general I might write something more substantial. Till then, CBF.

Reasons why fridays are awesome, and weekends are not

1) On fridays, you catch the bus home with chivalrous-bus-guy.

I actually talked to him today. He's a friend of a friend, and I snagged an introduction. He plays in a band as the bassist/keyboardist. He is half-asian (and by extension ridiculously cute) and does environmental management.

Wait, wait, wait: awesome guy checklist ==>

[x] Musical
[x] funny
[x] uses brain for processes more complex than motor function
[?] open minded
[x] tolerant
[?] attentive
[?] emotional depth
[x] courageous

Well 5/8 is pretty decent, hahaha but I digress

Did I mention he's chivalrous? He gave up his seat under the bus shelter so I wouldn't have to stand in the rain. Aww.

And we catch the same bus regularly ^_______^

But speaking of bus guys, I remember at schoolies I was asked who I liked. I actually lied and made up a story about how I liked this cute guy I met on the bus. Well, heck.

And speaking of bus guys, I have not seen scooter/slogan guy around in ages. It probably does not help that I am no longer running in an election, nor do I take Ancient history. I am more interested in slogan guy's slogans than I am of slogan guy... it piques my curiousity you see =]

2) I've been banned from going out this weekend

Not in those words exactly but dad said: I don't want to control your life but...

There's always that but.

This means I can go watch our very own Piano Prodigy at his Fmus performance, nor will I be going to any birthday parties.

3) It's raining today

Rain makes everything better.

4) You go to work, and your boss offers you more interesting work

On Monday I get to edit their proposed 4u/extension 2 booklet. This is more interesting work than 5/6 G.A./maths trial papers. Abstract math ftw!

Ah look at me, getting all excited about numbers. I'm weird like that.

5) Your cheque will clear in 3 business days

I.e. today! I have a pretty healthy amount of dosh to save up now. Thailand 2010 here I come!

Okay. I lied. Weekends don't suck that much. I have more time to do stuff.

Anyhoo, back to work.

Leave it to Meme: Hehe

The "Leave It to Meme" Meme: http://sundaystealing.blogspot.com/2009/07/leave-it-to-meme-meme.html

Today we ripped this meme off a blogger known as Kyddryn from Shadow and Sweetwater. She claims she stole it from someone on Facebook. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft's thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: The "Leave It to Meme" Meme

1. Who was your FIRST date?

Lief. Although technically it was a while after we started 'going out' before we both actually had our first (ever) date.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?

Well, music talks to me all the time... but I'd look like a crazy person if I ever tried to talk back =P Well that's what my imaginary friends tell me anyway =/

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?

Passion pop! Or something like that, I don't exactly remember the name of it. My memory's not so good =/ I think I was in year 4 (about 10 years old), and I went to my best friend's house and they let me try it ^^ Alcoholics start young. Mmm alcohol...

4. What was your FIRST job?

Shop assistant in my parents' bakery. My first paying job was at my cousin's watch kiosk. My first, legally documented job is at a tutoring/coaching college =]

5. What was your FIRST car?

I don't actually own a car, or have a full licence. But, I learnt how to drive in my dad's station wagon, and now I drive both my mum's Aurion and my dad's car... into the kerb, scaring my entire family in the process... I'm not such a great driver D=

6. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?

I went to Thailand with my parents when I was 2.5 I don't remember a great deal of it.

7. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?

My first best friend (according to my parents) is Yve. I talk to her occasionally, because we're both very busy studying Law ^^

The first best friend I remember is Ange. We stuck together from year 2 to year 5 then she and her entire family disappeared off the face of the planet. Well, not literally. I have no idea what's happened to her.

8. Whose wedding did you attend the FIRST time?

I first attended the wedding of my cousins. I have a lot of those. Cousins I mean, not weddings... I was asked to sing two songs, in languages I didn't understand =D

9. Tell us about your FIRST roommate.

I've never had a roommate... unless you mean my younger brother? Our old house was pretty small, and we actually had to sleep in the same bed. He kicks in his sleep ><

10. If you had one wish, what would it be (other than more wishes)?

I'd wish to be able to communicate and understand all languages. I think I've always wished for that.

Then I'd pretend that I didn't understand and use my skill to get discounts at asian grocery stores in Cabramatta xD

11. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?

More languages. I love talking, so how much more fun would it be to talk in a few more tongues? =D

12. Did you marry the FIRST person you were in love with?

No. Unfortunately the first person I fell in love with didn't love me back... I'm pretty sure he thought that I hated him =/ It's rather unfortunate that even back when I was 10 I was a witty, sarcastic little munchkin.

13. What were the first lessons you ever took and why?

Um... besides school, I guess my first lessons were Chinese lessons, because I thought it might be fun... and my parents thought it'd be a good idea.

Then I got lazy, after the 2nd lesson and didn't go ever again. Fail.

14. What is the first thing you do when you get home?

Take off my shoes at the door. Why, what do you do?

I have to be a little more careful about what I say in this blog...

Dr. Horrible - The Musical is on in 5 days! Unfortunately, so is my Law assignment.

Hello blog which has not seen the light of day in a while.

I find it incredibly amusing that out of my siblings, I am the only one who is not having love-problems.

Heh.

Feels good to be different for a change. It's very refreshing to not be obsessed with whoever happens to the the boy of my year.

So. Work. Onwards!

The old me is dead and gone

Well, I'm learning to look at emotional setbacks objectively, and to see failure as feedback on how to be successful in the future. I've promised myself that I will be kinder to myself, and that I will stop wasting my time.

I know that the transition from high-school to university is difficult, and it makes you vulnerable to feeling lonely and clingy, but I can always count on my old friends being there eventually, and I can make new friends.

I used to think that being in a relationship was the ultimate goal. Since I was 10 or so, I've found someone every year to be infatuated with. Now, I know that while being in a relationship is desirable, I don't need it. It can wait.

I'm smarter, older, a little bit wiser. I'm not lazy, and I can do anything if I want to. I think I'm a slightly different person to who I was last year.

oops...

I may have destroyed half of my left eyebrow. Argh. I know you're only supposed to pluck away strays... but I may have gotten carried away. I suppose I could just draw it back on with pencil, like my mum does... but doesn't have to because she has tattooed eyebrows Oo Go mum, go. Woohoo.

So... I convinced ole padre to let me out on Saturday. Woohoo! Or not... because clubbing could be less fun than everyone makes it out to be, or possibly because there's another two parties happening at the same place at the same time... and that Barney (henceforth Barney-wannabe), will probably be there (thank you Facebook). That puts me in a somewhat awkward position.

Speaking of awkward positions...

Hey, it's ok to lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings right?

I'm not going to see 1.5 spot, because I can't be bothered. Sure I feel guilty about declining one of the parts, and sure I feel guilty that I'm not more involved in the club. That doesn't make me anymore inclined to make plans to go see it. So I'm going to lie and say that I was busy. It's not so bad, because I don't know the people in the drama club that well.

And also, one of my new psych buddies at uni is having relationship problems. It wasn't my place to ask, but I did. And there's so many problems I don't even know where to begin to help her out.

I figure she's a girl, so she'll be needed some kind of emotional reassurance. She wants someone to tell her it'll all be ok, and that it will all work out. So I did.

I lied. Most highschool relationships don't survive the transition to uni. This also includes friendships. Most long-distance relationships don't work out. Most people realise that they don't actually know their partner that well after the initial flood of hormones goes away.

Statistically, her relationship is destined to fail. I could work out the probability of it happening.

Friendships don't really last into uni either. It's either a success (π) or fail (1-π). The success rate is approximately 2/15. The Bernoulli distribution indicates that in general, there's a right skew, i.e. you lose most of your friends. I actually punched this into Excel, and that's what I got.

It's kind of sad really.

We tell each other lies everyday. It gives us hope and happiness. Without happiness we are depressed. Without either happiness nor hope, we are suicidal. Hence we tell each other lies to keep each other alive.

But hey, that's ok. Because in the long run, surviving is all that matters.

None of us were angels...

Three subheadings today, instead of numbered, scattered points.

1. Projected self image

I found my Johari/Nohari windows again recently.

4 people think that I'm able, brave, caring, cheerful, dependable, dignified, energetic, helpful, ingenious, kind, loving, modest, powerful, reflective, sensible, trustworthy, warm and witty.

The same 4 people also think that I can be intolerant, insecure, withdrawn, hostile, unhelpful, cruel, ignorant, irrational, imperceptive, chaotic, embarrassed, loud, panicky, dispassionate, inattentive.

Most of the time, people I know are too nice to point out my negative characteristics. The only people I know that point out my negative traits are my close friends and family. And I value them for it, because they are quite aware that I'm human, and that I'm fallible.

I find it disconcerting when people idealise me or express romantic interest. Because I know that they're overlooking the negative traits that I have that I know would definitely make them run 100 kilometres in the other direction if they actually figured out that I can be quite... well not as perfect as they thought.

That's why I run 100 kilometres in the opposite direction when people view me in such a distorted light. Because they're so very, very incorrect in their perceptions of who I am, and I usually I don't want to prove them wrong. For a while now, I've been humouring people who are like that. Which is wrong, because I hate lying to them and pretending to be something I'm not.

2. Yes Man

I watched Jim Carrey's newest on Thursday with a bunch of friends who weren't a) overseas, b) at the beach, c) on bible camp. It was funny in a slapstick way I think... Carrey's humour has become less... sharp (?) over the years... some moments in the film that were supposed to be funny fell flat... some bits were kind of disturbing... but overall it was quite entertaining.

The message I got out of this film was that you shouldn't be afraid to grab life by the wrists and run. That letting yourself do the things you want to do is as straightforward as just saying yes.

I wish I could live that kind of life... but if I did that at this current moment it would hurt my parents. Because they wouldn't understand, and they'll think I'm frivolously wasting my life.

3. Nana

I started reading the manga, and I've watched the live-action film (courtesy of Youtube ^^). It's a shoujo manga, so it pretty much falls under all the conventions of the genre (ext 1 english... yay... how i love thee), so don't look for anything new. I haven't watched much of the anime yet.



The music from the live-action is what drew me into the series. The songs from both Nana (feat. Mika Nakashima) and Reira (feat. Yuna Ito) released accompanying the film are quite good. The only one I don't really like is "My medicine" by Nana, because it just sounds weird after the verses. Other than Glamourous Sky, Isolation is a pretty good song, which is surpising that 3/4 of the tracks are fairly strong.

hmm... it's late... bed time...

Hold your breath and jump over the side.

I don't mean to sound like a whiny-emo-bitch, but right now I am extraordinarily bored. I work two days a week because my boss is being stingy, and doesn't want to pay me for four days of work. So I'm home for 5 days a week, with very little to do. It is driving me absolutely insane.

Half of my friends are off on a week's trip to the beach. Lief is in the deep end just after he's told Ania everything, so talking to him would be a bad idea, because he'll take out all his frustration out on me. I call people up to talk, but nothing has actually happened, so there's nothing to talk about.

Argh. I feel like my mind has atrophied.

The 10 legged inter-species horizontal cha cha

The cockamouse is a hybrid creature, part cockroach, part mouse. It exists only in the fictional realms of "How I met your mother" in Ted, Marshall and Lily's apartment.

I may have spent too much time watching TV with my family. Till about 2am in fact.

It feels rather odd to watch a TV show, with my dad in particular, that expresses values that are so clearly opposing to my parent's. I.e. The show espouses comparatively liberal views on sex.

Because my parents have a very traditional viewpoint on pretty much everything. And they think that people who don't hold the same values they do are beneath them. So far they don't know that I don't actually think like they do, adn I have done (and plan to do) things that goes against what they have been teaching me (even until now).

It feels odd.

Conclusions on 2008, Resolutions for 2009 and general musings.

1) People judge you on your deeds, not your thoughts. You could be very well meaning, and do a heap of things that are strangely hurtful, and people would think you're awful. On the same token, you could be an evil git, and do a lot of altruistic things and people would think you're nice.

2) I am not an awful person. Sure, I do some exceeding stupid things, but I don't do them because I'm horrible, I do them because I don't think.

3) Said exceedingly stupid thing: Talking to Doraemon (named thus because of oddly round head), about Lief, and telling him pretty much everything. Now at the time I did this, I did not think that I should stop, nor did I think that I was doing anything wrong. In fact, it felt really good to have an outsider's point of view on everything. It's just unfortunate that he happens to be Lief's mortal enemy, and that everyone else in the room heard too. Now that was the stupid part that was really really dumb and will come back to bite me in the ass.

3) I do manipulate people to get what I want. That is probably wrong, but that doesn't actually stop me from doing it.

4) Like I said, I'm not actually an awful person, despite me going on about how evil I am. I actually say that I'm evil so that when I do something wrong, I can say "I told you so. You just didn't believe me." Also, after I've done something wrong that only I've noticed, I tell myself that I'm awful so that I don't actually have to do anything to fix the problem. It eases the guilt. I have a great logic centre.

5) I used to talk to Lief all the time. He was my deposit box for crazy talk. In fact he was pretty much the only person I could talk to about sex, love, and criminal behaviour completely without any discomfort, or fear of being judged. But now I've stopped talking to him, because he pushed me too far, and I haven't closed the gap between us.

In fact, I think the further the distance between myself and Lief, the better. Because I don't have the strength to deal with him anymore. So when he calls me, I lie, I omit facts, I don't tell him everything. He thinks that I'm drifting away from him, and he'd be right.

So now I don't have anyone to talk to about everything to. So I blog. And even then, I don't say everything in the one blog. I have a few dirty socks strewn all around the corners of the internet. I'm sure if you could be bothered, you could dig around and find out all the crazy things I think and feel, but then you'd be just as crazy as I am. It's probably not quite right to pour my heart and soul into an electronic journal, but I find it easier to express myself in written text, where I can edit my words, a lot easier than calling someone up, and thinking of things to say on the spot.

6) I have put on weight. And much that I hate to say it, this fact is draining my confidence. I used to like the way I look, but now all I can see in the mirror are tuck-shop-lady arms, a belly large enough to warrant questions about the due date of my baby, and my gelatinous thighs. There are some days when I feel ok about myself (particularly before I've eaten anything at all). I actually spend an hour trying to find clothes to wear everyday that don't make me look like a beached whale.

7) I don't blog for sympathy, or compliments. I was never given sympathy as a child, and I don't want or need it now. I don't want compliments, unless I've actually done something to deserve it. And these days, I don't feel like I deserve any compliments.

8) I'm not doing a very good job of behaving like an adult. You know, analytical thinking before making decisions, diplomacy, compromise that sort of thing. I am getting better at cooking a cleaning. I can do the dishes in less than half and hour now. =/

New Year's Resolution 1: Think before doing things.
New Year's Resolution 2: Think before saying things.
New Year's Resolution 3: Stop manipulating people.
New Year's Resolution 4: If I do something awful, and I feel guilty, I should do something to fix it, or deal with the consequences. If I've done something awful, and I don't care, then I should just forget it.
New Year's Resolution 5: Learn how to be less socially retarded in general.
New Year's Resolution 6: Eat less junk food, and have less soft drinks. Try to avoid Burger franchises.
New Year's Resolution 7: Take better care of my skin
New Year's Resolution 8: Exercise regularly.
New Year's Resolution 9: Be able to skim a kilometre.
New Year's Resolution 10: Save up $10, 000

So here's to the New Year. I hope that each year will be better than the last. And it should be. I can legally drink, have gay sex (not that I'm into that thing, and not that I'm a man that is gay and would be looking to have gay sex), go clubbing, visit pubs, visit casinos, buy lottery tickets, gamble (gambling is grotty, and addiction to it is likely to be hereditary), smoke (not that I would smoke. Smoking is also grotty, and I'd probably die while doing it), and become a registered member of certain rock climbing venues. Here's to being lucky in love, finding the path I want to take career wise, and starting up my hobbies of singing, dancing and general artsy stuff.

9th wedding in the family

So my cousin Londonette is finally getting married. She has found a nice strapping English lad who works in the entertainment industry (as a DJ, a promoter and a bouncer), who's quite tall, well built, bald, and a good chess player. Let's call him Kasparov.

Londonette and Kasparov are getting married sometime in August in Thailand. Now my parents are refusing to attend said wedding. I asked if it was because it was Thailand and that it was kind of like they were eloping.

Actually, they're refusing to go because she ran off to London for five years, and because she's marrying a guy who's English like Stephen K. Amos is English. Except he's not gay. Or a comedian.

Yeah.

Wrap your head around that.

I think the next boy I bring home will be a pinoi.

Dream catch me if I fall...

So... I don't like Wotshisface anymore... and I don't like Barney Stinson that much... which means right at this moment, I am infatuation free! Yay! Or not yay... I don't know. Without someone to moon over, I am free to think about whatever I want. But then I actually have to come up with things to think about. Isn't that what freedom is? Not needing to rely on other people to make you happy?

Now if only I could go out.

Blast.

Love is...

Something quite complex obviously. Something that my adolescent brain can't fully comprehend yet. There's platonic love which encompasses the affection you feel for family and close friends. And then there's the so called "romantic" love. Two distinct things you would say. But isn't romantic love just platonic love, mixed with a good dose of lust and a desire for exclusivity?

I can't exactly say that my experiences on this subject are extensive. One of my best friends, Lief, who is even more of a hopeless romantic than I am, and who is currently embroiled in the horrors of the HSC. When he comes out of that, he'll be embroiled in taking the love of his life (or at least this year), to the formal. Unfortunately, she already has a boyfriend. This is where the problematic desire for exclusivity cancels out the platonic love. Which is stupid.

Maybe, if you loved someone enough, it would give you the strength to ignore the fact that they don't love you back, and that they're happier that way. And that's what's best for them.

I nearly convinced myself I was in love this year. Technically, it was an infatuation. I think I was just looking for excuses to act, talk and think silly. Because, in a sense, being in love is exciting. It can be painful, but that's what adds the fun. Maybe. I'm obviously highly masochistic and I enjoy putting myself through emotional trauma. Not.

I've actually noticed a trend. Not a year has gone past since I've started highschool - heck it even goes back to 2nd grade - that I haven't entertained notions of romance with someone. And now that I've noticed that, it was quite easy to get over