Family, friends and f***ing deadlines.

Right. So all the yearbook stuff is due this Tuesday or Wednesday, according to Charizard, who I incidentally met at the Macquarie shopping centre today, looking for a dress. One of the editors, let's just call her Crackers, asked me to do a group page for our biology class. I said yes, knowing full well that I had to go buy my dress for the formal, take my visiting family out on Sunday AND Monday. I don't know why I said yes. God damnit why didn't she ask me LAST week when I wasn't so busy that I had to cancel an event I've planned since ages ago. I HATE cancelling events.

Yes. I is angry.

Stupid Crackers.

Although, the animosity I'm directing towards her really is unjustified. And possibly hypocrital. I distinctly remember telling my mother that she should hold grudges against people because being angry at someone for a long time is like holding a hot coal with the intention to hurt someone else for a long time, but you just end up hurting yourself. I think the Buddha said something along those lines.

So I should probably stop hating her for no reason. Considering I don't like Wothisface anymore, and she's gotten back together with her boyfriend. I guess I wasn't strong enough to think about Wothisface's well-being instead of being pointlessly jealous. Hopefully I'll learn. Considering I keep saying that I think monogamy is horrible and pointless, I shouldn't really feel jealous about this kind of thing. Parental and societal conditioning is rather difficult to break. -_-

Wow, this blogging stuff really works.

There was supposed to be a coherent thread to this blog, but I've kind of lost it =/

My cousin (The perfect one. because she's tall, skinny and intelligent. and also because she does chores without being asked, and doesn't talk back to her mother. LIKE A GOOD DAUGHTER SHOULD! I love her, seriously, but I feel rather inferior when I'm around her. And that's something, considering my inflated ego =/), her boyfriend Scooby, and her brother The Dancer all arrived in Sydney on Sunday. My father and I took them out to the city today to sightsee. We drove to Milsons Point to take photos of the Harbour Bridge, the Opera House from across the Harbour, and Luna Park. Scooby and the Dancer had some fun playing with forced perspectives =D

Then we drove around to Chinatown to have lunch. According to The Dancer, the standard for testing a new bubble tea place is to try their Taro milk tea. If it's smooth, creamy and is just sweet enough, the rest of their teas must be good as well. I should test this out. It gives me an excuse to have bubble tea xD

We went to Tumbalong Park after lunch. It's been ages since I've been there. I'm surprised at how much I've grown since in four years, because everything is so much smaller than I remember =S I used to love going there to play in the park with my brothers. Now all that they're interested in is Warcraft. =( I really hate that game sometimes.

We did a lot of walking, mostly around the shopping mall at the Harbour, and around Market City. We didn't actually buy anything Oo Except for food. Which I'm trying not to eat, because I've realized when I put on my formal dress, you can see my stomach.

Don't get me wrong. I usually love the way I look. I know that as a young woman, I'm probably as perfect and as beautiful as I will ever be. And that as I grow older, it can only go downhill from there. It's just recently, I've been panicking because I'm adhering to other people's standards of beauty. Namely my mother's.

Which somehow leads me to the topics of eating disorders. I think I used to have bulimia. I remember that at some stage I used to overeat, and then run off to the bathroom to regurgitate. I used to feel a lot better afterwards, because I didn't have that horrible bloated feeling. My brother did it too. So I checked with the doctor, and it was acid reflux. But I do remember running off to the loo to regurgitate even when I hadn't eaten much.

I know some people throw up their food because it gives them a sense of control over something in their life. I actually find that eating normal meals in smaller portions several times throughout the day helps me to keep my food down. And in that way, it gives me more control than if I wantonly overeat, and puke it all up again.

That's a disturbing topic. =/ Let's move on.

Instead of going to Cookies' "Fighting Dreamers" photoshoot at school today, I went out with my cousins. Yay. =/ Oh well, I'll see everyone on Thursday, and we'll all be dressed up nicely, and we'll take a stack of photos then. And we won't sleep, we'll just dance and talk all night. I'm looking forward to that.

I'm also looking forward to turning eighteen, because my cousins are going to take me out clubbing for the first time. This is why I love my cousins, they provide for me like siblings would. And they're a good moderating force for my parents. (they went to the Chris Brown and Rihanna concert in New Zealand. Apparently, Rihanna was like "Hello Auckland! *crickets chirp* Auckland sucks! LOL epic phail, Anyway, maybe they'll be able to convince my parents that concerts AREN'T a waste of money, or dangerous.) So yay! Clubbing, and insane doses of Berocca (not so much the alcohol, I don't want to embarass myself... the last time I drank, I almost immediately regurgitated it back out again @.@ I don't handle drugs well, unlike The Dancer... because he's a pharmacist xD get it? Oh I'm a funny one... not)

Photoshoot and work

After the Chem exam, Spud, M and I went over to Cookies' house for a Victorian/Gothic/Creepy Doll photoshoot. We dressed up in frilly, lacy dresses, put up a ton of black make up and posed in our best inanimate object poses. Cookies got to play with her new camera filters =] We had a Alice in Wonderland themed tea party ^^ It was a lot of fun =D

I actually enjoy work, which is great. I sit for 3-4 hours working through a maths exercise book and check the answers to make sure the answers are right. And I get paid for it! Unfortunately I only get paid $12/hour, so it's not as much money as I would receve if I were to privately tutor students. Hopefully I'll be able to take Cookies' mother's younger students, and get some experience tutoring.

My cousins are coming over tomorrow. I'm so busy next week that I'll only be able to spend 2 days with them =( I guess I'll have to cancel something. I hate cancelling events.

I better clean my room.

Barrack Obama! or How I got a job before the world exploded

So. Barrack Obama is the new President of the United States. Thank God MacPalin didn't win. Yeah, I have a thing for portmanteaus. But, now that I think about it, anyone who wasn't Republican was bound to win by a landslide. And I guess it's a good sign that we have the first African-American president, because it means we're taking a step closer to removing racism. Yay! I know nothing about politics though, so I'm not going to continue on the subject.

I have a new job! Yay! I'm working at a tutoring college place thing, which is next to the youth centre in a nearby suburb. I stood in as a homework helper for someone in uni who was putting the last minute touches on a thesis, because it was due that day -__- So technically, I don't have a position as a tutor as such. I'm going back tomorrow as a proofreader for exams/papers/exercises (not really sure which), to see if I'm suitable for the job.

The place is packed with Asians, particularly Koreans. It's amazing how I was only separated by some of the staff and the students by a degree. The manager of staff there is the aunt of one of boys in my grade Oo Two students from our school prefecture have been working there for two years or so.

I'm lucky I got a job so close to my house. I only have to take the bus for a few minutes, costing me less than a dollar either way. It's also close to the shops, so I can go deposit me cheque when I get paid =)

The hours are also pretty flexible. I can choose when I want to work to some extent, which is good, because I do have plans during this break until I start uni. It's so different to be working... there's one more responsibility I have to deal with... gosh... I don't know what day's I'll be working yet.

I'll be paid about $12 an hour, which is alright because I'm happy with whatever I get at the moment. Once I start uni, I hope I'll get paid more. If not, no problem =) I'm just happy to get a job this quickly, and to be paid. I got $25 in cash for 1.5 hours of work =) hehehe

It's not a difficult job either. Max year ten level maths. But it's still challenging enough to keep my brain ticking =) Sometimes I have to check myself to make sure that the students understand how to do a question, or to make sure that I'm teaching them in a way that they've been taught already and not something they'll learn in year 8 =S

I have a really nice boss. At least so far, she seems very thoughtful and considerate. I haven't been introduced to the other student aged staff yet, but I'll get around to that eventually. I'm more worried about getting along with the people my age. Gah. According to the boss, she wants us to focus and not to socialise. Which I'm fine with, at the moment.

So, Auntie came over today to learn how to make mochi from my mum. Turns out I'm ok at it... if a little bit slow. I asked her for some help with food for schoolies. She suggested that we make sauces and freeze them, bring them on the bus an freeze them again. Then eat it with pasta. I'm thinking, for breakfast I'd be happy with wheet bix and fruit with milk. We could make simple sandwiches for lunch, and for dinner have the frozen pasta stuff, or salad with bbq from woolies.

Basically, we'd need: an esky, party ice, cereal, fruit, milk, bread, ha,, tuna, salmon, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, beetroot, cheese, carrot, beef mince, pasta, olives, pork

I'll probably bring my Ipod, and posssibly the laptop so I can charge said Ipod, CD's, PS2, Gamecube, board games to play on the bus, cards.

Now that I have a job, paying back the money for schoolies to mum should be okay. And Grandad has given me a bit of money too.

Stuff to bring: Sleeping bag, pillow, linen, pyjamas, socks, toothbrush, toothpaste, facewash, soap, moisturiser, sunscreen, after sun lotion, toner, hat, wax, towel, hairdryer,

Love is...

Something quite complex obviously. Something that my adolescent brain can't fully comprehend yet. There's platonic love which encompasses the affection you feel for family and close friends. And then there's the so called "romantic" love. Two distinct things you would say. But isn't romantic love just platonic love, mixed with a good dose of lust and a desire for exclusivity?

I can't exactly say that my experiences on this subject are extensive. One of my best friends, Lief, who is even more of a hopeless romantic than I am, and who is currently embroiled in the horrors of the HSC. When he comes out of that, he'll be embroiled in taking the love of his life (or at least this year), to the formal. Unfortunately, she already has a boyfriend. This is where the problematic desire for exclusivity cancels out the platonic love. Which is stupid.

Maybe, if you loved someone enough, it would give you the strength to ignore the fact that they don't love you back, and that they're happier that way. And that's what's best for them.

I nearly convinced myself I was in love this year. Technically, it was an infatuation. I think I was just looking for excuses to act, talk and think silly. Because, in a sense, being in love is exciting. It can be painful, but that's what adds the fun. Maybe. I'm obviously highly masochistic and I enjoy putting myself through emotional trauma. Not.

I've actually noticed a trend. Not a year has gone past since I've started highschool - heck it even goes back to 2nd grade - that I haven't entertained notions of romance with someone. And now that I've noticed that, it was quite easy to get over