Thursday 29 April 2010

Describe the most beautiful dream you've had...

I don't particularly remember the dreams I have when I'm asleep, but I have written some of them down. One involved anthropomorphic celestial beings, and falling in love with one of them. I don't remember it though, so I can't exactly describe it.

Ask me anything

Favourite pokemon?

So much nostalgia involved with this question... gosh where do I start? I actually used to watch the Pokemon series on T.V. and I pretty much fell in love with Meowth from Team rocket. He just had the saddest back story (Well at the time I was 10. Sue me. Actually, don't), and it always struck me as hilariously funny that Meowth was the only Pokemon that could talk (Well... at the time, we're not including the later films and arcs).

Then I got into the game. The original blue version... the first Pokemon I chose was Bulbasaur. I think I got pretty attached to that Bulbasaur, and if I ever lost a battle it was a personal affront.

Then there was Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire. I'm pretty sure I started with Torchick with one, then Treecko with the other, then I started the game again with Mudkip. Now while Mudkip (then Marshtomp, and subsequently Swampert) was pure pwnage in battle, I held a soft for Torchic because it was just so darn cute (and it's evolved forms were also pretty rad).

But damn, it's hard to pick a favourite! I think I might go with Torchic because I'm lame like that ^_________^

Ask me anything

Would you rather solve global warming or solve poverty?

Interesting question. While it is really important that we still have a viable planet to live on in a 100 years time or so, I think I'd rather solve poverty first. This is mainly because I believe once everyone has a decent standard of living, there'd be a greater range of people who would then be equipped to solve global warming.

But of course, I'm looking at this pragmatically. If I were a genie of some sort, and had the power to solve one with the click of my fingers... I'd still fix poverty first. When I think about poverty I think it includes your quality of life, AND things like health and education.

Also, Global Warming, as such is not really the problem here. Yes, there seems to be an increase in temperature, resulting in the melting of the ice caps... and the imminent destruction of Tuvalu. But there's also a host of other environment problems not just related to the climate. I'm not sure how much would change if "Global Warming" were solved, because then none of the other issues (I'm thinking deforestation... desertification... holes in the ozone etc) would have really been impacted. Overall, poverty seems (in my humble and not really educated opinion) the more wide-reaching issue here.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Ask me anything ;) http://formspring.me/gnataes

Wednesday 28 April 2010

Tell me



Aww sheet.

urgh

vomiting up vodka is not something you want to be doing at 2:30am on a weekday.

Sunday 25 April 2010

*mind blown*

Devil's Advocate: BIGGEST MIND FUCK EVER

"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school" - Marla: Fight Club

The overall tone of the film was apocalyptic, dissonant and grey like a winter's day. The issues within the film made for difficult watching, and yet at the same time it was dangerously seductive, hypnotic and compelling.

After watching it I fell into the foetal position, cried and went into an angst coma. I exaggerate, but the film did affect me immensely. There are many reason why I think it did.

As a law student, I feel that I am becoming increasingly amoral. The protagonist's descent into amorality leads to the destruction of his world and of the person he loves the most. Also in this film, lust and pride were the two main 'sins' that led the protagonist to his downfall struck a chord. We all have a self-preserving bias, and we all want to be wanted and loved.

Maybe I was worried by this film because I internalised the fact that being a law student, having a fairly positive view of myself, and wanting to be loved was going to send me to hell or would result in the birth of the Anti-christ.

Maybe I'm just being silly. Maybe I'm thinking too much. I don't know.

Edit: some epic quotes from the Devil himself... er I mean Al Pacino, playing the Devil:

"Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?

I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist."

My world feels so off centre right now.

Friday 23 April 2010

It's been ten days, without you in my reach.



Work is a lot less fun without Work guy and Work guy 2 around :| Work guy 2 was SUPPOSED to be teaching today but he skived off ==" And I didn't finish off the book I was typing because I had to teach. Oh well, I'll still get paid. Mr. Boss didn't turn up, but Mrs. Boss was there later in the afternoon. It was strangely quiet at work.

I had lunch by myself today. How sad.

It's probably because ANZAC day is coming up.

Something I found on DLS:

"There should be someone constantly following you, with big, strong, warm arms, waiting for whenever you need a good hug.

Now would be the time for one of those hugs :ccc"

I am a car that runs on hugs.

Things I think about at work, instead of work

In no particular order:

1) Acrostic poems. Today I decided I am vocal, amiable, naive, exciting, surprising, spontaneous and addictive.
2) Mathematical formulas not entirely related to the chapter I have to type up.
3) Food
4) Sleep
5) Sex
6) Blogging
7) Salsa
8) Latin festival
9) Song lyrics
10) Movie/TV quotes

Wednesday 21 April 2010

I don't even speak korean!

This is stuck in my head at the moment:



This is what was stuck in my head about one month ago:



There's that little bit of english, and the rest I can only mumble. So, so insanely catchy though -_-

Also, random side note: No facebook since Friday night. Because I can. And it's not like anyone notices. But I feel so much happier without it.

Sunday 18 April 2010

No one would pay for these thoughts

I learnt at some point that thoughts are just thoughts. They don't define you, they may not even be your real opinion and they are definitely rebuttable.

1) I need help. I still haven't learnt that procrastination has long term negative consequences >=(
2) I don't think about trust issues anymore. If people hurt me, they'll hurt me. I'll just learn not to answer their questions truthfully.
3) Most of my friends are reliable.
4) I'm not replying back to letters due to sheer laziness... and I don't care anymore.
5) Nathan Fillion in Castle is awesome.
6) I'm going to have fun learning to start conversations with people in creative ways.
7) I want to learn how to make mash ups.
8) Bouncing ideas and theories off my family is actually pretty fun. Time consuming, but fun.
9) I can't stand not talking to people. Holidays where I'm stuck at home ARE THE WORST.
10) I got a hair cut. I miss my hair, split ends and all.

Saturday 17 April 2010

Dirty little secrets



It's been approximately nine months since I started posting there, and it's made me feel a little less lonely. Every time I've shared a secret or a thought there I felt as though they no longer haunted me, and I was no longer ashamed of them. I'm going to share some here, because I feel like it. In no particular order, and of little interest to any of the readers here... probably.

This will be a long post, chock-a-block full of crazy. Read at your own risk.

Tue Jul 28, 2009 7:46 pm
I was blindsided by [him] on Saturday.

Then I remembered [he] was afraid of heights.

Aww.

Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:23 am
I want to make sweet, sweet music with [him].

Sat Jul 25, 2009 9:28 am
I did everything [he] told me to do, including dating my first boyfriend.

Nowadays my ex won't talk to me. It's like I don't exist anymore.

And [he] doesn't want me either. [He's] never wanted me. But now I'm ok with that. I just wish I could talk to [him] normally, to prove that I'm over [him].

Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:34 am
The last time I freaked out. I just kept looking down. I stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking about. The next time we hang out I will redeem myself, my heart can't rest 'till then. Now I can't wait to see you again.

But seriously, I'm such an idiot around [him]. Why can't we just talk like normal people =/

Sun Mar 14, 2010 10:28 pm
I was looking forward so much to meeting up with my friends from highschool on Saturday.

It didn't occur to me that they would change after a year, that I wouldn't feel connected to them anymore, and that they'd make new friends.

It wasn't a nasty surprise or anything, but it still saddens me to know that I was surprised.

Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:51 pm
We promised we'd stay friends when it was all over.

We didn't.

Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:52 am
I've been pretending for the last 12 days that I haven't been on facebook so I don't have to write "happy birthday" on the walls of my old high-school friends. I was close to these with these friends while I was in highschool, but now that we're in university, we don't talk much anymore =/

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:23 pm
Perfect is over-rated.

Also, the only sandwich I'll ever make for [you] will be laced with poison, [you] misogynist jerk.

Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:53 pm
Stop calling, stop calling I don't want to think anymore, I left my heart and my head on the dancefloor.

Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:21 pm
Apparently Imogen was in Sydney, and I somehow didn't hear about it. I am full of RAAAAAAAAAGE as of this moment.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:10 pm
I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:06 pm
fear the zero
Sometimes, I post in here just to post and hope
that someone might quote me.
It makes me feel like I'm connecting with them,
even for a moment,
and that I'm not completely invisible.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:56 pm
wealthy franchise
Casidhe Wetherington
I'm stoked for the Avatar: The Last Airbender movie

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:37 pm
Sometimes, I wish there weren't such negative connotations to women having and enjoying sex.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:33 pm
I should get to work. But it seems as though I don't want to.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:28 pm
I feel extremely fortunate. I am fairly attractive, my family is awesome, I live in a pretty good country, I'm fed three or more times a day, I'm doing a course I enjoy.

And yet, I feel guilty because not everybody gets this lucky.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:19 pm
Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter

Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:42 pm
Things that I look for in a man: Smart, funny, talkative, attractive, dances, sings, plays an instrument, kind, sweet and slightly romantic.

Essentially a male version of myself.

This worries me.

Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:03 pm
I think my smile is my secret weapon. People are forced to smile back at me. I love it.

Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:35 pm
having acid reflux is a good cover for bulimia.

Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:33 pm
Putting on weight pros and cons

Pros:
- bigger boobs
- selective filtering of people who only like me because of how I look

Cons
- i feel ugly
- i am told constantly by random people that I'm putting on weight
- when I dance I can't do things like dips, lifts or jumps without looking like a flying pig.
- heart disease

Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:29 pm
I really hate driving.

Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:08 pm
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down

Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:57 am
Revolving Hips
I do get excited when I get a PM.

Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:42 pm
Uncle Johnny
MY MOTHER. SHOULD. NOT. GO TO CONCERTS.
:l
over it.
i'm not allowed to, why should you?

Tue Jul 28, 2009 8:26 pm
jenny_at_the_disco49
my first kiss sucked.

Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:03 am
I want to try and eat only one meal a day... but if I don't go to the kitchen every 2/3 hours a day to snack, or make something to eat I actually save about two hours, with which I don't know what to do with.

So now I've put on weight. I've put on about 2 kilos since uni started... and they're not budging. I have to wear loose/baggy clothes to hide the rolls of fat I have on my stomach.

Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:52 pm
Actually, screw that. I hope I hurt you like hell.

Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:44 pm
I hope you're feeling better now that you have someone to blame.

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:24 am
Ok, I'll just not talk to you. If you email/fb/msn/txt I will not reply. I sent you six words and look how you reacted O_o

goodnight DLS

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:15 am
Well you can get bent too.

You know what this means.

Get on your knees and pray!

Oh Tofu, you give me the giggles ^^ Well I'll be happy if I can have you, and Chrissy can have Mark ^~^

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:05 am
I know this friendship is dying, but somehow I can't bring myself to care. All I can think of is how much of an immature brat you are.

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:01 am
To the last parade
When the parties fade
And the choice you made
To the End.

Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:59 am
Uncle Johnny
I don't know what people see in me, honestly.
I don't know why you want to be anything with me anymore.
I disgust you, you've said it more than twice.
I'm a bad friend, you've said it before.

I know that, so I moved away.
I didn't want to be a bad friend, so I became a distant friend.
I don't know what you want from me.

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
I'm a horrid person, I know!
Every time you get close to me, you just find something else that you don't like.
Why can't you just stay on the surface like every one else and be happy?
:/

i don't want to be a mean person anymore.
i don't want to be a disgusting thing anymore.
i don't want to be anymore.

Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:44 pm
You think you're special, but I know, yeah I know, yeah I know that we know that you're not.

Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:04 pm
srsli just gtfo of my life already.

Mon Jul 27, 2009 10:48 pm
When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

I'm watching this friendship die, and I don't care anymore.

Tue Mar 23, 2010 7:48 am
I suppose I shouldn't have sent that text expecting a reply
Mon Mar 22, 2010 9:02 pm
x Sephiralen x
It used to kill me when I'd see he was online but not talking to me.
I'd literally go nuts.
I've come far.

Mon Mar 22, 2010 8:45 pm
It's probably silly, but everytime I start obsessing over some new guy, I always play "Goodnight and Go" on repeat over and over. I makes me feel happy and silly and just general stalkerish. Hmm. Not sure if those belong in the same sentence.

Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:18 pm
I bet it was him on the bus. Same style of shirt he usually wears, same haircut, right kind of shape. Ah maybe it's just wishful thinking because I haven't seen him in a month -_-

Whoever it was, the thought of having them wake up with a giant mark on their face makes me chortle.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:36 pm
Oh god. It's his birthday tomorrow. I don't know if I should acknowledge it or not.

Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:12 pm
Now that I've texted him, I have no real desire to talk to him again. Sure it might be interesting, but it's not a pressure I have to succumb to anymore.

Sun Mar 14, 2010 9:11 pm
I may be a little guilty of overdramatising my life so that it suits the songs that I listen to.

Even when I daydream, I chicken out before asking him out. What's wrong with me?

Friday 16 April 2010

Okay, I'm not that stupid.

So I keep thinking about what my boss said. She told me that I should keep my co-workers at an arms distance. She meant literally... bringing up the no-touching-rule and all. I've chosen to accept that in its figurative sense. It's quite logical not to invest emotionally into any co-worker, particularly as most of us are busy uni students. We don't see anyone in particular regularly, and out schedules are rarely stable.

You have to do what you have to in order to show that you're friendly. Sure that might mean having a nice conversation during your coffee break, or going for lunch together.

You just have to make sure at the same time that you're not willing to go beyond the usual "How are you, how was your weekend" kind of deal. So if their wife dies you express your sadness for them, but don't offer to be there emotionally for them when you should be working. Cold? A little perhaps, but if their wife died should they really be at work?

Point is: yes boss, I am aware that you are advising me to be somewhat distant to a certain co-worker. Thank you for the advice that getting involved with him would be a bad idea in the long run. I am aware of all this, and you talking about it with me is just so very, very awkward.

Wednesday 14 April 2010

Quick recap of holidays

7th: LADY. FUCKING. GAGA. And Semi-Precious Weapons. We (Pendragon + uni buddy, Morgan + GF) we definitely wet and excited for the amazing Miss Gaga. She is a being of pure energy on stage, drawing strength from the audience the amplifying it at least tenfold back to the audience. She gives everything into her performance, singing, dancing and just generally being awesome. Yeah. YEAH. IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.

We also went to some jap restaurant for dinner. Morgan's GF eats a shitload. Even more than Pendragon. And that's saying something.

8th: First day back at work for me for this holiday, and coincidentally first day back for work guy. Since we hadn't spoken for about 6 weeks we were a leeeeeeeetle too friendly. And consequently our boss told us off x.x oops.

Apparently work guy is a casual dating slut because when he sees someone (regardless of gender) he hasn't talked to in a while, he goes with them for coffee/lunch/dinner/a movie or something similar that you would do on a casual date. I find this amusing. While we were having lunch, an older (fat) lady made suggesting eyebrow wiggles at him. BWAHAHAHA Even the memory of this amuses me. It did not amuse him.

I, on the other hand, am a people slut... according to Doormat. I can't go (so he says) for 5 minutes with saying hi to someone I know. I can't help it! I just like waving to people. And getting barred is just lip-smackingly delicious.

9th: Morgan's b'day at Bicentennial park. We got lost on the way there (because I was navigating D=), and we got lost on the way back (Because Pendragon was supposed to be navigating... but Cyan and I navigated instead)... then we got back on the right track after an emergency call to mum. Fun times

Fun quotes:
Jellybean: So around Homebush is DFO, the park, where they're having the Easter show and a cemetery right?
Me: *not quite paying attention* BOW CHIKA WOW WOW.
Jellybean + Cyan: WORST TIME TO SAY THAT EVER!!!!!!!!!11

*Pendragon straddling the back of a bench*
Us: Doesn't that hurt?
Pendragon: No it's ok! *points to crotch area* It's hollow!

So we chilled at the park... and climbed on the epic rope structure thing... while disapproving parents looked on ^^"

Then we went to Morgan's house. Awesome dude's twin did an EPIC HARDCORE shuffle to a techno song, and Morgan (like Jellybean a long long time ago) experienced a split second moment of pure regret in midair during a jump into his backyard pool sometime at night. People kept stealing Cookies' Strongbow (or rather awesome dude's twin's Strongbow).

12th: work + stuffed up with time management

13th: work + pwned a student

14th: work + stuffed up again + getting advice/being told off.

Well I got advice about how to teach better.

And then my boss somehow segued into telling me in a really round-about way not to be too friendly with people at work. Well she told me flat out that if a co-worker wants to touch me I should say no. HAHAHAHA out of context that sounds so wrong. She made a hugging gesture at that point, not a grabbing bum kind of gesture.

Anyway, that's my recap. I've been making money yes, but I haven't studied. I am in trouble. I shall start today. Promise.

Friday 2 April 2010

High Heels: The Modern Day Equivalent of Foot Binding.



I was talking to Bob the other day about how high heels were a symbol of how ingrained patriarchy was. How else could you explain why women willingly inflict pain (and future permanent physiological damage) upon themselves in order to appear more attractive? The reasons for wearing highheels are similar to the reasons for foot binding: they make your feet look smaller, they limit your gait, and they emphasise the movement of your legs/hips/thighs: all of which are meant to make you appear more erotic.

Not to mention that wearing some high heels hurts like hell. Foot binding hurt horrendously too.

I argued that heels made you taller. Bob said that height is a positive construct created by men, and men on average are taller than women.

I didn't really have anything to say to that.

But if women want to suffer for fashion and appearance, then we oughta let 'em right?

I think I'll avoid wearing heels where possible. I can move my hips without them, and I've accepted the fact that I'm never going to be tall so what's the point?

On another quasi-feminist tangent: LADY GAGA TOMORROW. I am excitement.

Man people have such negative attitudes towards her. Who cares if she may or may not be a hermaphrodite? Who cares if she knows and embraces her sexuality?

I read somewhere that Lady Gaga exploits sex appeal to sell records. WHATEVER MANG. The only reason why sex sells is because people can't have it. According to the Christians, Jews, Muslims, Asians, the Capitalists and you get the point.

Her music is good. It's gone back to what pop music should be, just awesome tunes and no super deep meanings.