Dirty little secrets

It's been approximately nine months since I started posting there, and it's made me feel a little less lonely. Every time I've shared a secret or a thought there I felt as though they no longer haunted me, and I was no longer ashamed of them. I'm going to share some here, because I feel like it. In no particular order, and of little interest to any of the readers here... probably.

This will be a long post, chock-a-block full of crazy. Read at your own risk.

Tue Jul 28, 2009 7:46 pm
I was blindsided by [him] on Saturday.

Then I remembered [he] was afraid of heights.

Aww.

Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:23 am
I want to make sweet, sweet music with [him].

Sat Jul 25, 2009 9:28 am
I did everything [he] told me to do, including dating my first boyfriend.

Nowadays my ex won't talk to me. It's like I don't exist anymore.

And [he] doesn't want me either. [He's] never wanted me. But now I'm ok with that. I just wish I could talk to [him] normally, to prove that I'm over [him].

Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:34 am
The last time I freaked out. I just kept looking down. I stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking about. The next time we hang out I will redeem myself, my heart can't rest 'till then. Now I can't wait to see you again.

But seriously, I'm such an idiot around [him]. Why can't we just talk like normal people =/

Sun Mar 14, 2010 10:28 pm
I was looking forward so much to meeting up with my friends from highschool on Saturday.

It didn't occur to me that they would change after a year, that I wouldn't feel connected to them anymore, and that they'd make new friends.

It wasn't a nasty surprise or anything, but it still saddens me to know that I was surprised.

Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:51 pm
We promised we'd stay friends when it was all over.

We didn't.

Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:52 am
I've been pretending for the last 12 days that I haven't been on facebook so I don't have to write "happy birthday" on the walls of my old high-school friends. I was close to these with these friends while I was in highschool, but now that we're in university, we don't talk much anymore =/

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:23 pm
Perfect is over-rated.

Also, the only sandwich I'll ever make for [you] will be laced with poison, [you] misogynist jerk.

Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:53 pm
Stop calling, stop calling I don't want to think anymore, I left my heart and my head on the dancefloor.

Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:21 pm
Apparently Imogen was in Sydney, and I somehow didn't hear about it. I am full of RAAAAAAAAAGE as of this moment.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:10 pm
I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
"What do I live for?"

Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:06 pm
fear the zero
Sometimes, I post in here just to post and hope
that someone might quote me.
It makes me feel like I'm connecting with them,
even for a moment,
and that I'm not completely invisible.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:56 pm
wealthy franchise
Casidhe Wetherington
I'm stoked for the Avatar: The Last Airbender movie

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:37 pm
Sometimes, I wish there weren't such negative connotations to women having and enjoying sex.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:33 pm
I should get to work. But it seems as though I don't want to.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:28 pm
I feel extremely fortunate. I am fairly attractive, my family is awesome, I live in a pretty good country, I'm fed three or more times a day, I'm doing a course I enjoy.

And yet, I feel guilty because not everybody gets this lucky.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:19 pm
Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter

Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:42 pm
Things that I look for in a man: Smart, funny, talkative, attractive, dances, sings, plays an instrument, kind, sweet and slightly romantic.

Essentially a male version of myself.

This worries me.

Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:03 pm
I think my smile is my secret weapon. People are forced to smile back at me. I love it.

Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:35 pm
having acid reflux is a good cover for bulimia.

Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:33 pm
Putting on weight pros and cons

Pros:
- bigger boobs
- selective filtering of people who only like me because of how I look

Cons
- i feel ugly
- i am told constantly by random people that I'm putting on weight
- when I dance I can't do things like dips, lifts or jumps without looking like a flying pig.
- heart disease

Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:29 pm
I really hate driving.

Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:08 pm
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down

Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:57 am
Revolving Hips
I do get excited when I get a PM.

Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:42 pm
Uncle Johnny
MY MOTHER. SHOULD. NOT. GO TO CONCERTS.
:l
over it.
i'm not allowed to, why should you?

Tue Jul 28, 2009 8:26 pm
jenny_at_the_disco49
my first kiss sucked.

Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:03 am
I want to try and eat only one meal a day... but if I don't go to the kitchen every 2/3 hours a day to snack, or make something to eat I actually save about two hours, with which I don't know what to do with.

So now I've put on weight. I've put on about 2 kilos since uni started... and they're not budging. I have to wear loose/baggy clothes to hide the rolls of fat I have on my stomach.

Sun Aug 30, 2009 8:52 pm
Actually, screw that. I hope I hurt you like hell.

Wed Aug 05, 2009 10:44 pm
I hope you're feeling better now that you have someone to blame.

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:24 am
Ok, I'll just not talk to you. If you email/fb/msn/txt I will not reply. I sent you six words and look how you reacted O_o

goodnight DLS

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:15 am
Well you can get bent too.

You know what this means.

Get on your knees and pray!

Oh Tofu, you give me the giggles ^^ Well I'll be happy if I can have you, and Chrissy can have Mark ^~^

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:05 am
I know this friendship is dying, but somehow I can't bring myself to care. All I can think of is how much of an immature brat you are.

Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:01 am
To the last parade
When the parties fade
And the choice you made
To the End.

Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:59 am
Uncle Johnny
I don't know what people see in me, honestly.
I don't know why you want to be anything with me anymore.
I disgust you, you've said it more than twice.
I'm a bad friend, you've said it before.

I know that, so I moved away.
I didn't want to be a bad friend, so I became a distant friend.
I don't know what you want from me.

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
I'm a horrid person, I know!
Every time you get close to me, you just find something else that you don't like.
Why can't you just stay on the surface like every one else and be happy?
:/

i don't want to be a mean person anymore.
i don't want to be a disgusting thing anymore.
i don't want to be anymore.

Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:44 pm
You think you're special, but I know, yeah I know, yeah I know that we know that you're not.

Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:04 pm
srsli just gtfo of my life already.

Mon Jul 27, 2009 10:48 pm
When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

I'm watching this friendship die, and I don't care anymore.

Tue Mar 23, 2010 7:48 am
I suppose I shouldn't have sent that text expecting a reply
Mon Mar 22, 2010 9:02 pm
x Sephiralen x
It used to kill me when I'd see he was online but not talking to me.
I'd literally go nuts.
I've come far.

Mon Mar 22, 2010 8:45 pm
It's probably silly, but everytime I start obsessing over some new guy, I always play "Goodnight and Go" on repeat over and over. I makes me feel happy and silly and just general stalkerish. Hmm. Not sure if those belong in the same sentence.

Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:18 pm
I bet it was him on the bus. Same style of shirt he usually wears, same haircut, right kind of shape. Ah maybe it's just wishful thinking because I haven't seen him in a month -_-

Whoever it was, the thought of having them wake up with a giant mark on their face makes me chortle.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:36 pm
Oh god. It's his birthday tomorrow. I don't know if I should acknowledge it or not.

Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:12 pm
Now that I've texted him, I have no real desire to talk to him again. Sure it might be interesting, but it's not a pressure I have to succumb to anymore.

Sun Mar 14, 2010 9:11 pm
I may be a little guilty of overdramatising my life so that it suits the songs that I listen to.

Even when I daydream, I chicken out before asking him out. What's wrong with me?